I'm Gonna Go ALL IN

In my mind, one day, I want to be one of those radical Christians you hear about who... like sold all her stuff and walked around the world with her camera and bible and documented... the state of the American church and... a country's lost sheep. (Haha, that was a stretch, but I am trying to think on the fly here.)

But.
I tend to play it safe. Really safe.

Today a friend of mine sent me a video about how we tend to think TOO much outside the box and we don't spend enough time thinking and working inside the box for God. He talked about how he got a home run in a little league game with a bunt. And so the question is, am I satisfied with a bunt??

I struggled with it for the better part of the morning. I see that God can do so much more than I can. (But does that mean that He isn't in the little bunts in our lives? Absolutely not.) So it's been a great morning of back and forth conversations in my head.

The reason I struggle is because I like the idea of going ALL IN .



I think that a lot of Christians play it safe.

I don't want you to think that I am saying that I walk around living recklessly or anything. I don't tempt or test God. However, I do think that there is a saftey net that we set up for ourselves when we walk the tightrope God calls us to walk. I challenge you to GO ALL IN.

Photographic Wish List

I was in the mood to... uh, dream ahead. Haha. I say dream, because I am very weary of making plans, haha. But I started looking at the things I WANT photographically. And I wrote it down and thought, "I am going to type it into existence."

• Canon 580EXII, probably 2 of them
• Canon 24-70 2.8
• Canon 16-35 2.8
• OR the Canon 14mm 2.8. (I am a big fan of wide angle lenses)
• Canon 70-200 2.8 (not sure if I want IS or not, I am sure it'll be DJ's lens)
• OR the Sigma 50-150 2.8 for DJ, he'll be shooting with a cropped sensor, so we'll see how that all goes with the focal lengths we decide to go with.
• I want a 100mm Macro, I don't think I care if it is Canon, or not. Haha.
• && I really want the Canon 24 3.5 TS. I have mimicked the effect of TS lenses in my post processing, and I would LOVE to play with a TS lens.
• Expodisc
• Kelly Moore Bag (the Hobo one)

Oh, how cool it would be to be made of money. Haha. One day Jennifer. One day this will all be yours. Haha!! And when that one day comes I will have to have people in my life who will show me how to be BETTER than I am now. So along with this photoraphic THINGS list, I will also be including a photo workshop wish list, just because it's my blog, and I can do what I want to.

People I would LOVE to learn from one day:

• Zack Arias
• Zach and Jody Gray
• Jose Villa
• Amelia Lyon
• Jasmine Star
• Mark and Candice Brooke
• Jeremy Cowart

I cannot wait!!! YES! ;) ;) Ok. I will go day dream now. Ta-ta for now. Something of more substance to be posted later tonight.

Thank you Jesus for the Storm

Yesterday was a rough day for me. I was not myself yesterday and my mind was preoccupied and my heart was just hurting and I didn't know how to fix it. Then, around dinner time, I started to hear thunder. Then it started raining. Hard. Then it stopped. Then it started up again. And I fell asleep. Throughout the night, I'd wake up and there was flickers of lightning and it was still raining.

This morning. The sky was beautiful. It was a deep blue. The grass was still wet. All the plants were greener than they usually are. What a gorgeous day. I got on Facebook and posted this: "Dear Jesus. Thanks for giving us a storm, because the today looks AMAZINGLY beautiful." And something clicked. I was totally reminded that God has my back.

If you know me. Like really know me. Heard my story. I will tell you that I have learned a lot about suffering and character, and perseverence, and hope.

Romans 5:1-5 (Take note of 3-5)

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

In the original text, Paul writes "rejoice BECAUSE of our sufferings," not just in the midst of our sufferings. (Because really... who can do that?!) I talk a lot about how I embrace this verse, I rejoice in my sufferings... but I do it after. After I've gotten to the other side. Haha!! There are some times when I realize it half way through, and it gets me through faster. In my anger, my sadness, my insecurity--I realize, "This will build me. This will build me. God doesn't do anything in vain."

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Suffering --> Endurance

Endurance --> Character

Character --> Hope

Considering what we do to ourselves--we put on this pretty face and smile so that no one knows what is going on on the inside--I have to remind myself of verse 5, "AND HOPE DOES NOT PUT US TO SHAME." There are times when I just want to be sad. Haha. I just want to sit and reflect on what I am feeling, why I am feeling it, I want to break down and lay it all out at Jesus' feet. But, something tells me not to. Yesterday I also posted on Facebook: SOS in morse code. Haha. It was my way of saying, "Help" without really saying help.

And I am SO good at that... pretty face, pretty smile thing, that people just thought I was bored and needed something funky to post up. Haha. One person emailed just to check up, more than once. And I love that woman. She is amazing and I am so glad to have an opportunity to be a part of her life.

In Romans 1:16, Paul says, "I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes." I am NOT ashamed of what God's done in my life, or at least I shouldn't be. Hope is the thing that keeps me going. I have a hope that one day, one person will need to hear my story. Hope is what makes Christians different. I have a hope for eternity.

Romans 8:18

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Thank you Jesus for the storms in my life.

Because, as cliche as it sounds, the day after is always beautiful.

Can you lay down in the street?

So. You know how photographers have a "thing"? Haha, a "style?" One of my favorite things to do is to get people to sit. And stand. Then sit. And stand. THEN here it comes, "I know it sounds weird, but can you lay down?? I know. You are in the middle of the street. Don't worry. I'll hear the car if it comes." HAHHAAH.

With that said. Here is Nicole and Caine! I shot them almost a year ago when Nicole was pregnant with Caine. Brent is deployed right now and so I got the chance to shoot his lovely wife and son yesterday!! They look so cute!! And motherhood, definitely suits Nicole well! Lookin' good girl!!!

Here are a few shots. :)

Let's overanalyze everything, shall we?

So, if you know me personally you know how much I LOVE the Twilight books. It took a while for me to even admit that I wanted to read them, and when I did... I couldn't stop. And then I read them over. And over. And over again. I picked up Twilight, or Breaking Dawn every time DJ left for training, and then deployment, anytime I was alone. (I promise, I am better now. Although, I am currently skimming through Eclipse. I never touch New Moon, that book is infuriating.)

ALL THIS TO SAY: The past two days have been such a battle for me. I am going to participate in a book club with PWOC, the Women's Ministry on post and we are reading Beth Moore's So Long Insecurities. I started reading the book on Tuesday afternoon. It was like four pages in and I put the book down. I tried to pick it up again Tuesday evening. And read another page and a half. Then put it down and picked up Eclipse.

Don't laugh.
This is about to get serious, I promise. But before we get in to the heavy, here's a picture to lighten the mood.


(I really love this photo shoot with Vanity Fair. And... it was an excuse to go find a Twilight picture to stick in my blog.)

This aversion to Beth Moore isn't because I favor Twilight over self-improvement, but I am pretty sure I have some deep seated issues and insecurities. Which, to most people will sound crazy. Because they see me out and about, they'll call me confident and outspoken, but there is definitely something, I have an idea where it comes from, but I don't know why... but I think I've been trying to avoid Beth Moore because I don't want to know how much I suck. Or, even if I already know that, it really is scary to take an objective look at yourself and be asked, "Are you willing to change?"

When DJ called I told him about this book and that I was nervous about reading it and going to a book club with other women to discuss it. He simply said, "Why? Cause you are afraid of changing?"

It caught me off guard. In the first chapter, Moore calls it a blessing and a curse that her husband is so honest. I totally relate to that. DJ is honest. Brutally honest. No sugar coating what so ever. He'll just tell it as it is. Sometimes I can appreciate this, most of these times are when they are about anything else but me.

So I have about an hour before I get picked up for this book club. I should really bunker down and read the next two chapters. So far, it is pretty introductory. Defining insecurity--let me tell you this, I was not surprised by any of the things she says, I actually really relate to them.

I am starting this journey today and I hope that you will join with me. What is it in your life that you are running away from? Why? What will it take for you to confront it?

I will keep you posted. :)



PS. You wanna know how I got down to opening the book and reading it?
Playing the Twilight and New Moon Score in the background. Haha! Compromise.

AND! You know what else I realized? Why I pick up a Twilight book when DJ leaves? It's a love story. And when the hubby is gone, or when I just feel like I want to be loved some more, I read Twilight because I get to relive a romance. There are times when I really, really, want a baby, or just straight up feel lonely, then I pick up Breaking Dawn. It sounds ridiculous, but hey! It works for the most part. (And I am pretty proud of myself for admitting this to all of you.)

What was interesting about Eclipse and why it is here, now, as I try to read So Long Insecurities, is that I relate to Bella in the sense that she is always asking Edward about why he is with her. It seems unbalanced to her and she needs him to assure her (and he does) of his love for her and acknowledges her insecurities, calls her silly and oversensitive, but also provides this reassurance that she is everything, and he loves her.

Oh, Edward. Haha.
So, I think it's great supplemental reading. Or... that is what I'll tell myself.

Please, I want to be Peculiar

pe·cu·liar   [pi-kyool-yer]
–adjective
1. uncommon; unusual; strange; odd
2. distinctive in nature or character from others.
3. belonging characteristically (usually fol. by to )
4. belonging exclusively to some person, group, or thing

I have been thinking a lot about 1 Peter 2:9 and I wanted to blog about it for a while. I went on to Google and tried to find an image that I could pull to use for a blog post. THIS image came up from WhatisPeculiar.com. I LOVE this message!! The site doesn't seem to be active, but I love the message, I love the desire to reach a generation that does not look boring. JESUS IS NOT BORING. I love that it embraces culture and works in it and not away from it.

1 Peter 2:9
But you are a CHOSEN RACE, A ROYAL PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR GOD'S OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light

I have this vision and this passion for this "new" Christianity. This new generation of Christians who are going to love Jesus and show Jesus in a way that we haven't seen in a while. I feel like there needs to be a revival in the Church across the board. There shouldn't be a battle between denominations--Christians need to portray God's love and His image in all circumstances to all people. We should WANT to be different and WANT to stand out.

I WANT TO BE PECULIAR. I don't want to make sense to people. I want them to ask me, "What the heck is wrong with you?!" Haha!! Because I am NOT just like you. I am NOT your Average Jane. I am part of something so much better than I am alone. I am a part of a people who are called to be set apart. I am so much more because of Jesus' love for me.

However, I digress. Haha. The reason I wanted to focus on 1 Peter 2:9 is because of what I have realized about myself in recent weeks and I love it.

I am hungry for a sense of community in Christianity. When you look at the church and see bickering, boredom, mundane routine, etc. I have mentioned it a lot in conversations with Laura in the past few weeks about how I want to focus on bringing a community of Christians together to work together in changing Vicenza. I want everyone to come together as a Christian community to get people to ask, "What? What just happened?"

How do we make Christianity look appealing!?
We live VICTORIOUSLY in LOVE!!

WE are a chosen race, a royal priesthod, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession so that we can proclaim His excellencies. I want people to want to be part of the team. So we live together and work together in peace and love towards spiritual maturity and we show them that it's not about what service you go to. It's not about how many good deeds you can do. It's not based on how many services you've gone to. Or how many verses you've memorized. It is about loving your neighbor as GOD HAS LOVED US.

It is understanding God's will for His people. We are here to proclaim His excellencies, to show the line between darkness and light and we need to do it together. (Because it's plural, hahah, Tom Job said, "All y'all.")

So I am challenging you all to look at how you live together. How do you interact? Does that reflect what God will have us do? Or are we giving people a reason not to want to be a part of the team? Do we make Christianity look appealing? Or do we make it look boring? Do we make it look ordinary? What does the Church look like to you? How should it look to you? What do you want from your peers? What do you want from your elders? Pastors?

We have to STOP giving people a reason to reject Jesus.
If we acted the way we are supposed to--people would not use us as an excuse not to follow Him. If we acted the way we were supposed to people who reject Christianity are rejecting God--and cannot hide behind any excuse, but that they just don't believe.


(&& after I wrote all of this, I went to YouTube and searched 1 Peter 2:9, and look who came up?? FRANCIS CHAN!)

HAHAH, that is a hilarious moment to freeze.

When I grow up I want to be...

My version of who Bianca Juarez is.

Ahhh!! So today, I found Bianca's first week of the Summer Series: The Scandalous Message of James. And I was so encouarged by what she said and inspired by how she speaks, what she speaks and the Word of God pouring out of her... I went and iStalked her on iTunes.

In my quest, I found something recent she did that was posted on Vertical Video Podcast with Nate Heitzig, Triune Purity. Ahh!! This is seriously something that I wish I could have heard when I was in high school. And you hear it in her voice, that conviction, that passion, and the truth. I am so inspired by her passion. The urgency in her voice.



Thank you Bianca for the encouragement, the boldness, and the example of what it means to truly live out the Gospel. For showing me how to walk, talk, preach and teach in the name of LOVE.

God is doing awesome things for this generation!! I have been watching a change in the wind here in the Church, all of God's Church. I am so excited to be a part of the next generation. And I say it over and over again: I am excited to be allowed to be a part of this story God is writing. I look around at the students I get the privilege to meet, enter their lives... and I freakin' love them! I don't think I tell them enough (or even at all) how excited I am for them and what they are capable of.

So everyone--let's step up, shall we?



EDIT | I am a 20-something


Today I was told that I was young. I mentioned my love and desire for youth and women's ministry and in a roundabout way, I was told, "Hold your horses, you are too young. Wisdom comes with age, and you need some more grey hairs." And went further to say that I need to make more mistakes.

While I find the statement valid, I was still frustrated.
I responded with, "I have a story. And I want to tell it. When the time is right."

I was refuted with a, "Your story has just started!"

I found myself even more frustrated. Frustrated at the fact that this person has never heard my story. Ever. They've gotten glimpses of it, and probably assume they know it, but I haven't shared that much with them yet.

It sounded like at the age of 30... I will be ready for ministry. That's when Jesus started. That is the supposed age of Timothy when Paul told him not to let anyone despise his youth. (I say 'supposed' because I have also heard 17, either way, I don't care, the fact is that he was encouraged.) And on and on I was told that I had to make mistakes, we all make mistakes in our youth. We think we know it all, we think we are mature, we don't see the need for mentors.

(Trust me. I have seen the need and have learned so much from older, wiser, more mature women of Christ.) I am young. Yes. But I still have a story to tell. I think wisdom comes with the exercising of my faith, not with the number of my age.

Thirty. That's six-seven years from now. Do I think I will be used then? Probably. Do I think I can be used now? Definitely. In the course of six to seven years a lot can and will change. But right now, in this moment--my voice, my story, my heart is to serve the military community. How I do it-- I am leaving to God. When I do it--I am leaving to God. The desire of my heart is to serve this community and God's allowed me to do it.

I was still frustrated at the end of the conversation. Even when I agreed completely with the fact that we need those mentors in our lives, we need the seasons where we sit and learn and listen, we need to be still so that God can teach us, so that we can discern what happens next. I agreed with it all, but I was still frustrated.

I did not want to be wrapped up and categorized with his story.

I've been broken down, I've been tested, I've suffered, I've rejoiced, I've learned, I've sat, I've listenend, I've been surrounded by events and people who have interacted with this story God's been writing. I take pride in my standing with Jesus--I am a daughter of God. I am called to be a saint. I am a warrior for God.

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9

The difference in mentality is that he saw his youth as a weakness, "I am still going to make mistakes."

I see God using me where I am. A 23 year-old Army wife. I am focused on the Gospel and the promises of hope and eternity. I am chosen. I am royal. I am holy... because I am God's. I am called to belong to him. I am called to be a saint. I am young, and I love it.

On my 19th birthday I got to go on a missions trip to Mexico with the church. I wasn't married to DJ yet, but his aunt and uncle were helping lead the trip down. They pulled me aside to tell me how lucky I was to have started that relationship and have that surity in Jesus at such a young age, because they didn't realize they needed him till they were 30.

I embrace my youth.
Even more so... I embrace the time God's given me to know him. To work with him.
I embrace my story.
I am not ashamed.
I AM NOT ASHAMED.

Club Be-Awesome!!

Haha!! I love blog titles because I can make them as cheesy as I want and you still have to read them to get to the pictures. Haha! (PS. Do you all reamember the hamster scene in Bolt? BEYOND AWESOME!! ;) ;) Hahahahaaaaa.)

Today I had to say goodbye to my Beer Family. It wasn't as sad as I would have expected. Katie said something pretty awesome, "It doesn't feel final, so I am sure we'll see each other again." I love it. We all have a hope that we will get back together and do GREAT things for God because these friendships and these lessons-learned are not for naught. :) So see you later Beers! Have a great time in Nice, France!!

Today as I saw them leave, in my mind, I went through the catalogue of people I DO have in my life. And I really wanted to take today to share about my Dream Team this summer!! Laura is my Community Director and Jessica is our Summer Intern for Club Beyond. I have loved spending the past few months with Laura and to spend Beach Break working together with our students. They've taught me so much about servanthood and relationships.





I definitely believe in this ministry. I have no idea what to do outside of a military community. And even more than that--I am so excited to be the next generation of Christians who will rise up and take our place. And to me, youth ministry is a place where we can pray for and encourage the generation that follows us. (I guess it's the natural teacher in me.) But I love that God allows and enables us the opportunity to be a part of people's lives, especially young adults, who will be my future--the future.

I am so excited to see what God will do with all of us. How he will use each of our students. How he will continue to let us work in his fields. How he will... just be God, do his thing. :) :)




We got to decompress in Austria for a few days after 2 weeks of Beach Break. I loved being able to just sit and relax and get to know the girls more. God is so good and it is so amazing to have friends who love Jesus and when we get together, we can just be happy. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the time. And just attribute it all to God.

I am so glad that Elizabeth chose Austria as our place for rest. We got a cablecar to go up the mountain and really--all Creation totally screams how awesome God is. I feel so small in comparision. And in all my--humanity, in my failures, in my weakness, as small as I am--the truth is that God loves me so much more than all of Creation. He loves me so much more than the flowers we admire. He loves me so much more than the cows we pass by. He did it ALL FOR US.

It's absolutely amazing. Enough said.




EDIT | PRAYER REQUEST PLEASE
We are praying that God raises male leaders for our boys. We have such a hope for a thriving group of students who will really revloutionize their school this year and I know that I have looked at this summer as a traning period, a time where God is going to pour out so much into our students--to prepare them for battle--to get them ready for the next school year. And our boys are in such need of committed leaders whose hearts are to edify and encourage them. My heart breaks because DJ isn't around for THEM. Anyone!! For that matter!!

Lord. I pray for a man/men who have a loving heart that desires to raise up and train the next generation of leaders. I pray that they love students, want to teach, grow, and encouarge them. I pray that whoever it is that you send us--will love you and want to do your work. Lord give us a spiritual leader.

In your Son's name I pray. AMEN.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Haha! My blog has nothing to do with that song. LOL, but it seemed appropriate since TODAY was the day that I got to go see Eclipse with Cheron!! This was a long time coming for the two of us. This was our reason for summer. This is what we've been waiting for--and it came and went. And I walked away totally encouraged and totally in love with my friend, Cheron. :)

Cheron is extremely crafty and she made us some Eclipse presents!! MY NECKLACE WAS WAY BETTER THAN ALL YOUR TEAM EDWARD/ TEAM JACOB SHIRTS!! (I have to admit, I was a little bit jealous and I felt left out that I didn't have a cool shirt to wear.) However, my shirt would have said something like, "Bella. You are an IDIOT. Just sayin." Haha!!

Check it out!!



Isn't it WONDERFUL! Isn't she just awesome! The little note says, "Look after my heart, I have left it with you." (Note from Edward to Bella.) ;) I love having friends who I can relate to, who I can talk to, gush about things like Twilight to, and still bunker down and be real with each other. LOVE it!!


Thank you Cheron!!

PS. DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS MOVIE
I had to come back and edit the post to add on about what I thought about the movie. It was great. (In all honesty, to me, the movies can only go UP. I hated Twilight, hated New Moon less... so Eclipse was good. I am now super, super excited and intrigued to see how they are going to keep Breaking Dawn PG-13 for their audiences. Duh, duh duhmmm.)

Anyway, the movie made Edward look like a jerk, but in the book--he is obviously the bigger man. (Figuratively, haha.)

And... I am still. Very. Anti-Jacob Black. Haha.

Facebook Debate?

So I just wanted to share this. Haha. Because I have definitely found this new... excitement about who Jesus is in my life and what it means to be his daughter. I am reading this book called Champagne for the Soul by Mike Mason and it is amazing. Short, sweet, to the point.

The question he poses in the beginning of this 90 say experiment in joy is this:
If you don't have joy. Ask yourself, what is it that you don't believe about God. (Which I put up as a Status Update on FB this morning.)

Then I was asked, "So... when Christ was sorrowful, or was deeply trouble.. what did he not believe about God?"

Then I answered, "Joy is a constant. Jesus was 'a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering' (Is. 53:3). Does that mean that he wasn't joyful? Did he not rejoice? Of course he did.

Joy is something that kind of lives and breathes brokenness, chaos, darkness.

Joy does not disappear in times of fear. It feeds from it. It is resilient.

Do I believe that Jesus loves me and died for me on the cross. Yes. I have joy in that. Do I rejoice in my sufferings, for sure. Why? Because joy is what is commanded of me. Joy is all I CAN feel in light of what God's given me.

Even in the crap of my life. I can be joyful.

In our sorrow and in our brokenness--I still have joy in the mercy and grace of God and the shed blood of Jesus.

(You should read this book.)

If I didn't have joy. I would be saying that what Jesus did. What God gave me... isn't worthy of the response of joy."

Then they said, "Opinions are opinions."

And I said, "And I am the one who undoubtedly has joy in my life. You can do with it what you want. I know that I have joy & I love it. :)"

To me. It's kind of like... HOW CAN YOU NOT REJOICE!? God is so good. God is so pure.
And honorable. And loving. And merciful. And patient.

AH! God is soooo good.



&& Because posts are better with pictures. These are two shoots that I got to do and really--I felt so happy when I shot them because the girls are so adorably cute and the couple is so in love. :) So cute!!

I feel like crap & God is still good

Middle School week is now over. Man. God is good. He is faithful. He is the best planner, author, coordinator ever!! I feel, again, like I have such a privilege and an honor to be a part of this ministry.

Middle School is my 'room for improvement' age group because it is harder for me to relate. It is interesting to see the shift in society from where I was and what was acceptable then, to where students are now. It's a little scary.

Here are some pictures of our Girl's Small Group. :)



It was so amazing to get to know the Head Leaders some more and really have that sense of community with each other the second week. We were back for round two together, we were tired, we were getting sick. It was so cool to see how it was GOD empowering us to do it all and nothing of our own strength.

Below are pictures of: Corn and his wife Joanna, Kristy, a head leader, and Ryan, camp musician. And shots from our last day at the beach, right before the plague of the mosquitos. It was so cool. For 15 minutes, middle schoolers sat still and wrote letters to God.


(A side note, I also got to use a 17-35/2.8 for these shots. I was pretty excited!! Thanks to Robert for letting me use it!! Seriously, photographers are the coolest people, we just share. It's an amazing community, where I feel comfortable giving up my 5DMKII for a day, and he let's me take his 17-35 for a day...and a half. Haha.)


And here are some shots from Cinque Terre! The first one is of City 2, Manarola, and the second shot is from City 4, Vernazza. Where I also picked up some artwork for the house, which is pretty awesome--and where there is the BEST pizza I've had in Italy, or the world, thus far. I love it. Amazing crispy center, and fluffy crust. Delicious.