Let's overanalyze everything, shall we?

So, if you know me personally you know how much I LOVE the Twilight books. It took a while for me to even admit that I wanted to read them, and when I did... I couldn't stop. And then I read them over. And over. And over again. I picked up Twilight, or Breaking Dawn every time DJ left for training, and then deployment, anytime I was alone. (I promise, I am better now. Although, I am currently skimming through Eclipse. I never touch New Moon, that book is infuriating.)

ALL THIS TO SAY: The past two days have been such a battle for me. I am going to participate in a book club with PWOC, the Women's Ministry on post and we are reading Beth Moore's So Long Insecurities. I started reading the book on Tuesday afternoon. It was like four pages in and I put the book down. I tried to pick it up again Tuesday evening. And read another page and a half. Then put it down and picked up Eclipse.

Don't laugh.
This is about to get serious, I promise. But before we get in to the heavy, here's a picture to lighten the mood.


(I really love this photo shoot with Vanity Fair. And... it was an excuse to go find a Twilight picture to stick in my blog.)

This aversion to Beth Moore isn't because I favor Twilight over self-improvement, but I am pretty sure I have some deep seated issues and insecurities. Which, to most people will sound crazy. Because they see me out and about, they'll call me confident and outspoken, but there is definitely something, I have an idea where it comes from, but I don't know why... but I think I've been trying to avoid Beth Moore because I don't want to know how much I suck. Or, even if I already know that, it really is scary to take an objective look at yourself and be asked, "Are you willing to change?"

When DJ called I told him about this book and that I was nervous about reading it and going to a book club with other women to discuss it. He simply said, "Why? Cause you are afraid of changing?"

It caught me off guard. In the first chapter, Moore calls it a blessing and a curse that her husband is so honest. I totally relate to that. DJ is honest. Brutally honest. No sugar coating what so ever. He'll just tell it as it is. Sometimes I can appreciate this, most of these times are when they are about anything else but me.

So I have about an hour before I get picked up for this book club. I should really bunker down and read the next two chapters. So far, it is pretty introductory. Defining insecurity--let me tell you this, I was not surprised by any of the things she says, I actually really relate to them.

I am starting this journey today and I hope that you will join with me. What is it in your life that you are running away from? Why? What will it take for you to confront it?

I will keep you posted. :)



PS. You wanna know how I got down to opening the book and reading it?
Playing the Twilight and New Moon Score in the background. Haha! Compromise.

AND! You know what else I realized? Why I pick up a Twilight book when DJ leaves? It's a love story. And when the hubby is gone, or when I just feel like I want to be loved some more, I read Twilight because I get to relive a romance. There are times when I really, really, want a baby, or just straight up feel lonely, then I pick up Breaking Dawn. It sounds ridiculous, but hey! It works for the most part. (And I am pretty proud of myself for admitting this to all of you.)

What was interesting about Eclipse and why it is here, now, as I try to read So Long Insecurities, is that I relate to Bella in the sense that she is always asking Edward about why he is with her. It seems unbalanced to her and she needs him to assure her (and he does) of his love for her and acknowledges her insecurities, calls her silly and oversensitive, but also provides this reassurance that she is everything, and he loves her.

Oh, Edward. Haha.
So, I think it's great supplemental reading. Or... that is what I'll tell myself.