Plentiful

God is good.

I feel so blessed, so honored, so grateful, so privilleged to be a part of my students' lives. Last night I got to see how one simple truth could change lives. One simple truth: JESUS LOVES YOU AS YOU ARE.

Last night was not what I had expected. Not at all.
As I sit here the morning after, I am excited. I am thinking of ways to tell the story. How do I tell people about the amazing work God is doing in the Youth here in Vicenza. I love these students. (If you haven't heard me say it before, I love you friends!)

We had over 100 students and parents at Club last night. ALL of our leaders showed up that night. We turned off the lights and couldn't get them back on. They turned on and warmed up JUST as the kids were counting down with the video. As you can see in the picture above, over fifty students got up when they were faced with this decision: Do you want a relationship, a real relationship with Jesus Christ?

We prayed. And prayed. And prayed some more.

God. Is. So. Good.



Matthew 9:36-38 says, "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”

Last night God showed us, as Club Leaders that the harvest is plentiful. Afterwards, I was talking with DJ and Laura and how much work we had before us. And DJ said, "Well I don't really have a choice." I thought he meant... he didn't have a choice to be involved because I was involved in Club, so I said, "After seeing what we did tonight..." He finished, "Exactly. After all of this--we don't have a choice." God placed each of us in that gym for a purpose and it is such a blessing to have purpose, to KNOW that this has all be appointed by God and that there is much to do ahead of us.

Thank you God for my story, my role, and my place in Your kingdom. :)

Last night was also a night where God showed me how faithful He is to keep His promises, to show me that He is so good and that He has heard my prayers. It was awesome to see DJ walk around and pray with guys. To see him get phone numbers. To watch how he cared and loved them. God is faithful.




Check out the Ministry| HYPE Assemblies



PRAYER| Colossians 1:28-29

"He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me."

Speechless.

I am overwhelmed by how much He loves me through all of my brokenness, through all of my anger, through all of my failures. :)

Hope?! (When things feel hopeless...)

My heart is heavy.

You know that feeling you get when your stomach feels weird--you aren't nauseated, but you feel, kind of nervious?
Your heartbeat is a little irregular.
You don't know whether or not to smile, cry, shut up, or say something clever, or even better--something Christian.

This is how I feel when my heart is heavy.
When I am faced with something uneasy.
When my friends come to me with problems, questions, issues, etc.
When people tell me their ________ just died.
When people complain about something significant in their life.

I have NO idea what to say.
I just feel... this... heaviness and nervousness.
If I don't say the ''right thing'' then I miss this opportunity.
I feel like I miss the opportunity to say, "God is good."

(I miss the opportunity because tension makes me feel uneasy...)
Doesn't that just sound silly!?


So.
Here it goes.
For everytime that I've sat silent because I felt uncomfortable for saying what I wanted to, what I should have... here it is.


GOD IS GOOD.
We know that God loves us, so much that He sends His Son to die on the Cross for us.
DO YOU BELIEVE IT!? Do you believe that God loves us THAT much?
How does that make you feel?

The fact that our God is a GOOD God puts life's stormiest nights in perspective. He's a master planner and designer. I won't ever doubt God's planning, His judgement, and His timing. Why?? Because He's got my back. I heard a student say today, "I got your back like a chiropractor." Haha!!


Yes. Life may feel like you are treading water in the middle of nowhere right now. But--it gets better. It always does. Because of the FACT that God is good and He loves you. Do you believe that? How does that make you feel?

A lot of the time, our culture is telling us to focus on Number One--you. How does that make you feel? So what are you going to do about it? (Instead of saying, "What is real? What is fact?" then... how does that make you feel?


Friends.
I spent an entire year in 'hiding,' or rather, 'hermit mode.'
I didn't want to open up to anyone. I didn't trust anyone. I was very closed-lipped about a lot of things because it was how I reacted to the unknown, the uncertain.... my own deep-seated insecurities.

And yes--I am fine now.
But if I could do it over again--or rather, if I ever walk through a valley that deep again, trust me, I would do things differently this time around.

Find a mentor to confide in. Someone who isn't there to encourage your neurotic notions and emotions. Someone who isn't afraid to KEEP IT REAL (KIR). Someone who is a sound Christian and will give you advice that is grounded and rooted in God's word. Someone trustworthy. Someone who isn't a malicious gossip (oooh, hot topic, I will get to that in another post). Someone who won't judge. Oh! Here's a good one: Someone who is another woman!! Don't be shady, just saying.

(However, I have had meetings with Chaplains. I would try seeking counsel as well, people often use counseling as a last resort, but--pre-emptive attacks are way cooler and you keep the cards in your hand, you know?) I would always choose a Chaplain over a psychologist, because I have sat in psychologists' offices and thought, "You are spinning some crazy advice right now. I'm gonna pray for you." HAHA!)

I am the first say say... I need to follow my own advice. Yes, it's hard. It's intimidating. But it will help.




Where the heck was I going with all this?

Oh. That's right.

Philippians 4:4-9, my mantra for life. Read each verse and really meditate on what it means and how you are going to apply it!


4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.

5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

The word that wives hate to hear

1 Peter 3:1-7

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

There it is. The word that wives hate to hear: submit. Trust me when I say this--I am no expert at being a wife. Haha. I think I do well... but I am waiting to be called a "virtuous wife."

I feel like this conversation has come up time and time again & I've heard a lot of the same thing, "If my husband loved me the way Christ loves the Church, it would be easier to submit to him." When we read Ephesians 5, it isn't a condition. "Wives be subject to your own husbands..." (not) "...if he loves you as Christ loves the church." It just is. We are called to do so. Commanded to do so.

There are times when I totally fail at the whole listening thing. I blow off requests DJ makes. I weigh those requests... what is acceptable to me? What would I rather do? What's easiest to swallow? I make a lot of excuses for my I decide to follow him one day and not another.

Then I had this thought... if I want DJ to be the head of this household. If I want him to lead me. If I want him to reflect the way Jesus loves the Church, then I have to let him. In the requests that seem petty, small, unimportant... if I can't allow him to lead me in those requests, how can I expect him to lead me in the bigger picture? Not because he isn't capable, but because I don't let him?


I want to be led.
I want to completely trust my husband.
I want him to speak for me.
(Because... let's face it ladies, when DJ and I stand before Jesus, he will give an account for me. He is responsible for me. And that. Feels. Like. Freedom-but more on that in a later post.)

&& How can I make such bold statements when I fail to want the small things? I want my husband to protect me. I want him to worry about me. I want him to cherish me. && When he does those things (in whatever ways he does), I should simply... rejoice.

Philippians 4:4-8
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Father God help me to be the woman You have always intended me to be. Continue to seek after me, because I know your commands, I know your promises. Help me to love like You do, see the way You see, and serve the way Your Son served. Thank you for your forgiveness, compassion, and example. Bless this marriage. Give strength to the women who struggle to surrender it all to You and trust. In your Son's name I pray. Amen.

"She's Young, she knows everything..."

Recently, I have been feeling a little strange. Unexplainably restless and I haven't known how to fix it.

Last night, I was sitting at bible study and we were talking about knowing that God takes care of His children. And the study leader was addressing the youngins and said something to the effect of, "The longer you live, the more you see that God is real and He provides." Then he prompted the older people in the room to share some experiences in which this was true and how God takes care of us, so that we, the youngins, can undertand.

It felt a little condescending.
No. It felt a lot condescending.
Haha.

I understand my place most of the time. I am okay with being younger. I am okay with being a woman. I am okay with being a daughter. I am okay with being a student. However, I feel incredibly invalidated and patronized when older Christians assume that because of my age, I am "so young" and because I am so young, I don't, or can't understand God.

Then the question was asked, "So young ones, what did you gather from that story?" Without thinking, out it came. I said, "Nothing that I didn't already know." I laughed at the end to lighten the mood, I didn't mean to sound like such a smarty-pants, but there it was, I said it. (Everyone else was thinking it, I am sure.) Haha. And the storyteller said, "Oh yeah, she's young, she knows everything." And again, without thinking, out it came. I said, "Yeah. I do."

HAHA!
Oh. No.
Again. I laughed, to lighten the mood and to mask my smart-ass remark.

For the record. I don't know everything. But I wouldn't want people to assume that I know nothing. Did I step out of line when I said what I did last night? I am not sure. I am torn between lowering my head sheeplishly, or just sitting still, stand firm. I did not mean my snarky remarks in any mean spirit, I think I was just frustrated. I feel as though I have been told a few times in the past few months, "You're still young..." and each time, I feel the same pang of frustration.

Yes. I am 23 years old.
Does that hinder my intellect? No.
Does that affect my understanding of God's word. No.
Does it mean that God doesn't speak to me as much as he speaks to the 50 year old? No.

Because the number of years that I have lived on this earth don't interpret God's word. Those years don't feel God's love. The number of years don't mean anything to me.

God's word, His truth, His love, His sacrifice, His gift is for everyone, under any circumstance. The story God has given me has given me a certain lens to look at how He has worked in my life. And I have seen His providence, I have seen His faithfulness, I have seen how good He is.

If I died tomorrow--does that mean that I have missed out on God's love? God's provision? God's providence? God's blessings? No. No. No. No. No.

Yes. I am young. But should my faith be discredited?

Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12)

Praise God

Today I am thankful because... In a crowd full of faces, He sees me.
&& It is enough. More than enough.

Countdown Starts

DJ will be home soon. :) I miss him.

J* Fever

Watch Jasmine Star has been on the tips of everyone's tongue this week because of her course on CreativeLive.com. The more I am listening to her talk--not just about photography, but life and her husband--it makes me love them more!!


Just throwing it out there Jasmine, I think we will be great friends one day.

Why do I think that, the reader may ask?? Let me tell you the ways, haha.

1) So first off. I freakin love her energy. Her excitement. You hear it in her voice. You can just tell that she just plain enjoys life.

2) Jesus. God. Holy Spirit. I love that she loves Jesus. (DJ's older brothers use to go to Calvary Chapel Montebello, and I've listened to Pastor Panch on iTunes. We all love Jesus. and I love it!!)

3) Bianca!! I LOVE Bianca (Jasmine's twin sister). If you haven't read her blog, Bianca is an amazing woman of God and I love her blog. Check it out. Because you can. The internet is awesome.

4) Our husbands. Listening to Jasmine talk about JD made me slip into a mild depression because I miss my hubby. Haha.

(OH! Here is weird flip number four and a quarter and four and a half!!) (You are going to laugh. Because I did. Hard.)

Jasmine is Mexican, JD is kind of an Asian, HAHA!! By kind of I mean half, I think. I am the Asian in the relationship and my hubby is kind of a Mexican, and by that I mean half. AND my hubby's name is DJ. Haha, get it? DJ | JD. LOL. I know... nerdy. But really... how could I not address that? LOL.

And four and three quarters: DJ is also going to be a great second shooter. Despite the fact that he is in Afhghanistan right now--when Jasmine was talking about JD and how he is a chameleon, he puts people at ease, he just gets along with everyone. That is why I love when he comes on shoots with me now... he really just relaxes the situation. When we start doing weddings--it will be glorious.

5) Southern Californians just get along. Especially over In-N-Out. :)


So one day. Some day. We will be friends. Great ones. Hahah.



I am soooo in love with the Photo Community to be able to be a part of something like Create Live. It's such a great, great, great way for photographers to learn AND FOR FREE!! Love it!!!

Mr&Mrs Lebron

Two weeks into our 'relationship' DJ's brother, Manny, asked us, "What are your intentions for each other?" Two weeks in, I looked at him and wondered, "Seriously?" It probably showed on my face cause he went on to say, "I know you guys don't want to label it or whatever, but it's good to know what your intentions are because it lays out the boundaries in your relationship." We didn't answer him, we just looked at him. Haha.

A week after that, I asked DJ on the phone, "So, what are your intentions?" (If I ever turn our lives into a movie, this line is definitely in it.) He answered, "I want to be your first love and your last love. Whether that means right now till forever, or right now, and later in life, we end up together. Either way, I'm yours and you are mine."

GOOD one, right!?

So in three weeks, our intentions were to end up together, whatever that meant. (Probably less than that. We were at a marriage retreat and the chaplain asked, "How many of you, when you met your wife, knew, just knew without a doubt, that she would be your wife?" DJ and the chaplain were the only ones that rose their hand.)

I thought about it all and I was--very realistic--two teenagers in "love" and want to be together "forever." YEAH, right!! Haha, sucker!! You're crazy. (I think the thoughts went something like that...haha.)

But I wanted to be a good girlfriend, a great girlfriend. I went to Barnes and Noble, looking for a good Christian Dating book. I reached for things like Boundaries in Dating, Boy Meets Girl, etc, but you know what I eneded up buying?? The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace. Haha.

My logic was...
WHAT IS THE BEST KIND OF GIRLFRIEND!?
A WIFE!!

So I read the book. I would reccommend this book to ALL engaged ladies. Actually to ALL ladies!! Everyone!! If you ever want to get married, if you are already are married, just pick it up! It is a great book. It taught me so much about selfless love, biblical living, and submission, uh-oh, I said it... submission to GOD. My relationship with God grew so much as I learned what it was to be a biblical wife.

I've read a lot of marriage books. A lot. Why? I don't know... because I want to be a know-it-all, or I am just interested in the relationship. I am marriage's biggest cheerleader. I absolutely love it when people get married, I love it when they celebrate anniversaries, and my heart breaks, totally crushing, when marriages fall apart. And with all the marriage books that I've read, all the bits and pieces of wisdom that I have picked up have only prepared me, given me a taste of what marriage is ACTUALLY like.

Living this life with this man in this marriage is... a refining fire.

Yes. I said it. I called my marriage a fire. Not a pretty garden, not a summer's night stroll on the beach, not pretty roses and chocolates. This marriage has been a refining fire, it has been iron sharpening iron, it has been filled with brokenness, humiliating circumstances, anger, forgiveness, passion, weakness, adoration, failures, love, disciplining, triumphant victory.

Marriage is hard.
Marriage is trying.
Marriage takes so, so, so much trust in God.

Even in the worse situations, the only, simple, overbearing fact that God is good and He loves me, has been enough to conquer my fears and insecurities. And because He loves DJ, I can forgive. I can serve. I can submit. I can rejoice. Because He is in control, I can let go. Because He is sovereign, I can accept. Because He is faithful, I have hope.

God is the only sure thing in marriage. It's the only sure thing in life. It is the only constant.

In those amazing days where all is right in the world--God is good, He is in control, He is sovereign, and He is faithful.
In those days marked with suffering and pain--God is good, He is in control, He is soverign, and He is faithful.

In my first year of marriage, I picked up Gary Thomas' book, Sacred Marriage. I read the first two chapters and stopped reading it, because as a Newlywed, here was a man that was talking about how some days... I will hate my husband. And some days he won't be able to stand me. I thought, "What is this madness! This isn't a marraige book!"

In Year Four of marriage, I picked up the book again.
And I understood it.

In my humanity, in my flesh, in my sin, I am not a loving person. I am flawed. I am angry. I have trust issues. I am selfish. It is only with the power of the Holy Spirit that I see that marriage includes the entire spectrum of emotion and in this refining fire, I am being taught, DJ is being taught to be a servant in God's kingdom. We are living out the relationship that God intends us to have with Him.

So we fail, we falter, we stumble--and God is good, He is incontrol, He is soverign, and He is faithful, and He holds our hand, He strengthens our weak knees and sets us back up on the path He's laid down for us.

I love this Man and the man that He made for me. I thank my God every single day for the opportunity to love and serve. I thank God for DJ and this marriage and all it has taught me, molded me, transformed my viewpoints.


And what I want to tell all you wives today is this:

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
(1 Peter 4:8)

Love each other deeply. Earnesetly. Fervently. And that will cover, overshadow, conquer everything else. :)

God bless you all.



EDIT | Book Reccomendations

Love and Respect
Sacred Marriage
The Excellent Wife
Sacred Influence
Champagne for the Soul
The Power of a Praying Wife
For Women Only

REEL TALK: Eat Pray Love

(First off, I wonder if anyone's TM'ed that, "Reel Talk" I think that is pretty freakin' clever.)

So I caught 2/3 of the movie Eat, Pray, Love. I feel like the movie's been on the tips of everyone's tongue lately. I was intrigued by it a few years ago when I think Oprah made a big deal about the book, and you know me-- I never care what Oprah has to say. Haha! So... I never read the book. Intrigued by its title though, but never spent the money on it.

But today, as I had nothing to do today in Sigonella, I went to the other post and got to watch Eat, Pray, Love for a mere $3.

This isn't a movie review, because I'm just me. What do you care what I thought about the movie? Haha, these are simply my thoughts. && I have to be honest, I had preconcieved notions before ever stepping in the theater. The only reason I went to go watch it was to make sure I was right. Haha!!

So, Ms. Elizabeth Gilbert. No offense, I couldn't stand her. Wait, I correct myself: I didn't understand her. Let me tell you why Oprah loved the book, and why so many people read it. This is what that book tells you about American society and culture: We are a country, a people who wants more. Never satisfied. Always searching. Constantly let down by our expectations. This is what America does to people.


EAT | FULLFILLMENT
I don't know why but the scene in which Gilbert is talking to her Publisher about why she needs to take a year off, why she needs to get away sticks in my mind. She talked about how her appitite for life, her passion everything inside her felt empty, there was nothing there.

It made me sad.
&& A little mad.

It made me sad because to feel empty like that sounds scary. It isn't truly something that I can relate to. I know in my senior year of high school I was searching for something, a "Why? What for?" And I was introduced to the idea that I needed Jesus to live the life I am supposed to. It was an interesting new concept, I took it and ran with it... and man do I have stories to tell.

&& It made me mad because in the divorce proceedings, her husband asked her, "I know you want to find yourself, but why not find yourself in our marriage?" My heart broke for him. And I was angry with her because she didn't really answer.

(Ugh, if this movie's latent cause is an influx in divorces, I am going to be so pissed.)

Fullfillment doesn't come from anything other than GOD: the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. The voids we feel are the gaps in our relationship, or lack thereof, with God.


PRAY | FAITH
1) God doesn't like divorce. (Just saying. That was the one scene I saw her pray to God and then she gets up in the same scene and divorces her husband.)

2) Crying out to God in tears--great start. But it's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am kind of thing. When you ask a question, don't you expect an answer? Where do your answers come from? Self-help books? Oprah? Friends? Dr. Phil? I've been told this and have used this example a lot: our prayers to God are like voice mails. And He texts us back answers through His Word. Why ask God a question and look EVERYWHERE else for the answer!?

As I waited for an hour for a bus to arrive to take me to Dover AFB a woman walked up for a few minutes and sat down. She was very friendly. Talkative. She handed me a business card and it had a website on it, I didn't pay much attention to it because I was trying to listen to her talk. I glanced at the tagline on the card, "Buddhism for Modern Living." She talked about their goals, how invovled she and her kids are in the movement, etc. Then she explained that they were all about attaining peace. And she noticed that her bus had arrived. She asked me where I was going and I told her, "Italy. Home." She got excited, started gushing about how she's always wanted to see Italy. And she said as she got her umbrella out and up, "I'll have to chant about that one." And said goodbye and left.

I wished that I had more time to converse with her. Probe. Ask questions. I wanted to know her story and see why she felt like she needed so much peace. I digress. To me it was strange that she said, "I'm going to have to chant about that one." Sounds so strange to me. Mantras and spells are chanted to free your mind of thoughts. How does that get you to Italy? (If you know, tell me, I just want to understand.)

I have thought a lot about what my prayer means to me, and to God. How intimately I can be with God. How much truth there is in a total surrender to His plans and what He wants. In my brokenness, I know that He will provide, heal, and teach. Prayer is that relationship lived out. It is a child speaking to a father, whose intent is to teach, raise, and provide for. (I can go on for days, but I don't want to, this post is getting long enough.)

LOVE | GOD
The word "God" is used quite a few times in this movie. I kept asking myself, "Who are they talking about!?" Then I did some Google-reserach, just reading reviews of the book here and there and I came across this, "Let me explain why I use the word God, when I could easily use the words Jehovah, Allah, Shiva, Brahma, Vishnu or Zeus. Alternatively I could call God 'that'...God is the name that feels the most warm to me, so thats what I use (page 13)." So she answers my question in the begining of her book.

Again, the society that we live in today is looking for SOMETHING. We are a culture full of broken hearts, missing peices, etc. To me this notion is dangerous. It is dangerous because of John 14:6, when Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

So when you are talking about GOD. Make sure you know who you are talking about. When you talk about a higher being, make sure it's THE One.



All in all, the movie confirmed what I thought this book was all about. A journey of a woman who set out to "find herself." Do I think she did it? Sure. For now. But what will her next book be about? And the next?

You reach fulfillment when you acknowledge the place Jesus has in your life. And LET HIM IN. That and that alone. My MySpace (oh, such old news, right?) Bio says, "I love Jesus. Then everything else in my life falls into place." There is nothing harder to decide than to decide to follow Christ and to live the life He's called you to. (It's hard. It's challenging. BUT SO REWARDING.)

Don't settle for any alternatives, friends.

Bucket Lists and Regrets

I am spending time with my, always-faithful, bestest friend, Kimberly Han. I am so glad that I got to squeeze some time in with her. This is the beauty of best-friendship because we can pick up like it hasn't just been three years since we've seen each other and have intellectual, meaningful, weighted conversation. :)

A question she asked, "What is on your bucket list?"
I couldn't answer this right away.

I continued to explain why I haven't thought about making one. (First off, Kim and I are big, big advocates of planning and goal-setting. Stephen Covey would LOVE us. So this isn't an attack on goal-setting by any means.)

To me, when I look at the life I have lived, twenty three years--I am happy. If I died today, I don't think there is anything that I will look back and think, "I wish I could have done..." Everything in my life up until this point, I don't regret.

Do I have goals? Do I have aspirations? Yes... but to me, it is very easy for me to think, "If God wills it, it will happen. If He doesn't will it, who am I to argue with Him?"

I laughed at her question and my inability to simply answer the question and said, "Do you know what I do think about? I don't think about what I want to do or making bucket lists. I think about planning my funeral. It sounds morbid."

I take a lot of consideration into what I want people to feel, hear, and learn from my life. HAHHAHAHA.Que interesting.

To me, bucket lists are for lives that haven't been lived and this to do list is to make sure that life isn't wasted, or whatever. I don't feel like I've wasted anything. I have no regrets. ;)

Now I must go. Time to see STEVEN!!!!

EDIT | Added to this post on 22 August 2010

I just watched Eat, Pray, Love. And I have to say. It was pret-ty awesome sitting in a movie set in beautiful places and think, "Been there. Been there. Done that." Haha. This is why it is so hard for me to come up with a Bucket List. I have had the blessing and opporutnity to see more than my counterparts. I love it. I relish in the fact that I get to visit Italy and go to Venice for dinner.

A Bucket List implies... a fear for missing out in life. I don't think that I have missed anything. And this life is just temporary. Wait till I get to heaven!! Dance party!!!!

One Thing I Know

I love him.

I'm Gonna Go ALL IN

In my mind, one day, I want to be one of those radical Christians you hear about who... like sold all her stuff and walked around the world with her camera and bible and documented... the state of the American church and... a country's lost sheep. (Haha, that was a stretch, but I am trying to think on the fly here.)

But.
I tend to play it safe. Really safe.

Today a friend of mine sent me a video about how we tend to think TOO much outside the box and we don't spend enough time thinking and working inside the box for God. He talked about how he got a home run in a little league game with a bunt. And so the question is, am I satisfied with a bunt??

I struggled with it for the better part of the morning. I see that God can do so much more than I can. (But does that mean that He isn't in the little bunts in our lives? Absolutely not.) So it's been a great morning of back and forth conversations in my head.

The reason I struggle is because I like the idea of going ALL IN .



I think that a lot of Christians play it safe.

I don't want you to think that I am saying that I walk around living recklessly or anything. I don't tempt or test God. However, I do think that there is a saftey net that we set up for ourselves when we walk the tightrope God calls us to walk. I challenge you to GO ALL IN.

Photographic Wish List

I was in the mood to... uh, dream ahead. Haha. I say dream, because I am very weary of making plans, haha. But I started looking at the things I WANT photographically. And I wrote it down and thought, "I am going to type it into existence."

• Canon 580EXII, probably 2 of them
• Canon 24-70 2.8
• Canon 16-35 2.8
• OR the Canon 14mm 2.8. (I am a big fan of wide angle lenses)
• Canon 70-200 2.8 (not sure if I want IS or not, I am sure it'll be DJ's lens)
• OR the Sigma 50-150 2.8 for DJ, he'll be shooting with a cropped sensor, so we'll see how that all goes with the focal lengths we decide to go with.
• I want a 100mm Macro, I don't think I care if it is Canon, or not. Haha.
• && I really want the Canon 24 3.5 TS. I have mimicked the effect of TS lenses in my post processing, and I would LOVE to play with a TS lens.
• Expodisc
• Kelly Moore Bag (the Hobo one)

Oh, how cool it would be to be made of money. Haha. One day Jennifer. One day this will all be yours. Haha!! And when that one day comes I will have to have people in my life who will show me how to be BETTER than I am now. So along with this photoraphic THINGS list, I will also be including a photo workshop wish list, just because it's my blog, and I can do what I want to.

People I would LOVE to learn from one day:

• Zack Arias
• Zach and Jody Gray
• Jose Villa
• Amelia Lyon
• Jasmine Star
• Mark and Candice Brooke
• Jeremy Cowart

I cannot wait!!! YES! ;) ;) Ok. I will go day dream now. Ta-ta for now. Something of more substance to be posted later tonight.

Thank you Jesus for the Storm

Yesterday was a rough day for me. I was not myself yesterday and my mind was preoccupied and my heart was just hurting and I didn't know how to fix it. Then, around dinner time, I started to hear thunder. Then it started raining. Hard. Then it stopped. Then it started up again. And I fell asleep. Throughout the night, I'd wake up and there was flickers of lightning and it was still raining.

This morning. The sky was beautiful. It was a deep blue. The grass was still wet. All the plants were greener than they usually are. What a gorgeous day. I got on Facebook and posted this: "Dear Jesus. Thanks for giving us a storm, because the today looks AMAZINGLY beautiful." And something clicked. I was totally reminded that God has my back.

If you know me. Like really know me. Heard my story. I will tell you that I have learned a lot about suffering and character, and perseverence, and hope.

Romans 5:1-5 (Take note of 3-5)

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

In the original text, Paul writes "rejoice BECAUSE of our sufferings," not just in the midst of our sufferings. (Because really... who can do that?!) I talk a lot about how I embrace this verse, I rejoice in my sufferings... but I do it after. After I've gotten to the other side. Haha!! There are some times when I realize it half way through, and it gets me through faster. In my anger, my sadness, my insecurity--I realize, "This will build me. This will build me. God doesn't do anything in vain."

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Suffering --> Endurance

Endurance --> Character

Character --> Hope

Considering what we do to ourselves--we put on this pretty face and smile so that no one knows what is going on on the inside--I have to remind myself of verse 5, "AND HOPE DOES NOT PUT US TO SHAME." There are times when I just want to be sad. Haha. I just want to sit and reflect on what I am feeling, why I am feeling it, I want to break down and lay it all out at Jesus' feet. But, something tells me not to. Yesterday I also posted on Facebook: SOS in morse code. Haha. It was my way of saying, "Help" without really saying help.

And I am SO good at that... pretty face, pretty smile thing, that people just thought I was bored and needed something funky to post up. Haha. One person emailed just to check up, more than once. And I love that woman. She is amazing and I am so glad to have an opportunity to be a part of her life.

In Romans 1:16, Paul says, "I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes." I am NOT ashamed of what God's done in my life, or at least I shouldn't be. Hope is the thing that keeps me going. I have a hope that one day, one person will need to hear my story. Hope is what makes Christians different. I have a hope for eternity.

Romans 8:18

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Thank you Jesus for the storms in my life.

Because, as cliche as it sounds, the day after is always beautiful.

Can you lay down in the street?

So. You know how photographers have a "thing"? Haha, a "style?" One of my favorite things to do is to get people to sit. And stand. Then sit. And stand. THEN here it comes, "I know it sounds weird, but can you lay down?? I know. You are in the middle of the street. Don't worry. I'll hear the car if it comes." HAHHAAH.

With that said. Here is Nicole and Caine! I shot them almost a year ago when Nicole was pregnant with Caine. Brent is deployed right now and so I got the chance to shoot his lovely wife and son yesterday!! They look so cute!! And motherhood, definitely suits Nicole well! Lookin' good girl!!!

Here are a few shots. :)

Let's overanalyze everything, shall we?

So, if you know me personally you know how much I LOVE the Twilight books. It took a while for me to even admit that I wanted to read them, and when I did... I couldn't stop. And then I read them over. And over. And over again. I picked up Twilight, or Breaking Dawn every time DJ left for training, and then deployment, anytime I was alone. (I promise, I am better now. Although, I am currently skimming through Eclipse. I never touch New Moon, that book is infuriating.)

ALL THIS TO SAY: The past two days have been such a battle for me. I am going to participate in a book club with PWOC, the Women's Ministry on post and we are reading Beth Moore's So Long Insecurities. I started reading the book on Tuesday afternoon. It was like four pages in and I put the book down. I tried to pick it up again Tuesday evening. And read another page and a half. Then put it down and picked up Eclipse.

Don't laugh.
This is about to get serious, I promise. But before we get in to the heavy, here's a picture to lighten the mood.


(I really love this photo shoot with Vanity Fair. And... it was an excuse to go find a Twilight picture to stick in my blog.)

This aversion to Beth Moore isn't because I favor Twilight over self-improvement, but I am pretty sure I have some deep seated issues and insecurities. Which, to most people will sound crazy. Because they see me out and about, they'll call me confident and outspoken, but there is definitely something, I have an idea where it comes from, but I don't know why... but I think I've been trying to avoid Beth Moore because I don't want to know how much I suck. Or, even if I already know that, it really is scary to take an objective look at yourself and be asked, "Are you willing to change?"

When DJ called I told him about this book and that I was nervous about reading it and going to a book club with other women to discuss it. He simply said, "Why? Cause you are afraid of changing?"

It caught me off guard. In the first chapter, Moore calls it a blessing and a curse that her husband is so honest. I totally relate to that. DJ is honest. Brutally honest. No sugar coating what so ever. He'll just tell it as it is. Sometimes I can appreciate this, most of these times are when they are about anything else but me.

So I have about an hour before I get picked up for this book club. I should really bunker down and read the next two chapters. So far, it is pretty introductory. Defining insecurity--let me tell you this, I was not surprised by any of the things she says, I actually really relate to them.

I am starting this journey today and I hope that you will join with me. What is it in your life that you are running away from? Why? What will it take for you to confront it?

I will keep you posted. :)



PS. You wanna know how I got down to opening the book and reading it?
Playing the Twilight and New Moon Score in the background. Haha! Compromise.

AND! You know what else I realized? Why I pick up a Twilight book when DJ leaves? It's a love story. And when the hubby is gone, or when I just feel like I want to be loved some more, I read Twilight because I get to relive a romance. There are times when I really, really, want a baby, or just straight up feel lonely, then I pick up Breaking Dawn. It sounds ridiculous, but hey! It works for the most part. (And I am pretty proud of myself for admitting this to all of you.)

What was interesting about Eclipse and why it is here, now, as I try to read So Long Insecurities, is that I relate to Bella in the sense that she is always asking Edward about why he is with her. It seems unbalanced to her and she needs him to assure her (and he does) of his love for her and acknowledges her insecurities, calls her silly and oversensitive, but also provides this reassurance that she is everything, and he loves her.

Oh, Edward. Haha.
So, I think it's great supplemental reading. Or... that is what I'll tell myself.

Please, I want to be Peculiar

pe·cu·liar   [pi-kyool-yer]
–adjective
1. uncommon; unusual; strange; odd
2. distinctive in nature or character from others.
3. belonging characteristically (usually fol. by to )
4. belonging exclusively to some person, group, or thing

I have been thinking a lot about 1 Peter 2:9 and I wanted to blog about it for a while. I went on to Google and tried to find an image that I could pull to use for a blog post. THIS image came up from WhatisPeculiar.com. I LOVE this message!! The site doesn't seem to be active, but I love the message, I love the desire to reach a generation that does not look boring. JESUS IS NOT BORING. I love that it embraces culture and works in it and not away from it.

1 Peter 2:9
But you are a CHOSEN RACE, A ROYAL PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR GOD'S OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light

I have this vision and this passion for this "new" Christianity. This new generation of Christians who are going to love Jesus and show Jesus in a way that we haven't seen in a while. I feel like there needs to be a revival in the Church across the board. There shouldn't be a battle between denominations--Christians need to portray God's love and His image in all circumstances to all people. We should WANT to be different and WANT to stand out.

I WANT TO BE PECULIAR. I don't want to make sense to people. I want them to ask me, "What the heck is wrong with you?!" Haha!! Because I am NOT just like you. I am NOT your Average Jane. I am part of something so much better than I am alone. I am a part of a people who are called to be set apart. I am so much more because of Jesus' love for me.

However, I digress. Haha. The reason I wanted to focus on 1 Peter 2:9 is because of what I have realized about myself in recent weeks and I love it.

I am hungry for a sense of community in Christianity. When you look at the church and see bickering, boredom, mundane routine, etc. I have mentioned it a lot in conversations with Laura in the past few weeks about how I want to focus on bringing a community of Christians together to work together in changing Vicenza. I want everyone to come together as a Christian community to get people to ask, "What? What just happened?"

How do we make Christianity look appealing!?
We live VICTORIOUSLY in LOVE!!

WE are a chosen race, a royal priesthod, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession so that we can proclaim His excellencies. I want people to want to be part of the team. So we live together and work together in peace and love towards spiritual maturity and we show them that it's not about what service you go to. It's not about how many good deeds you can do. It's not based on how many services you've gone to. Or how many verses you've memorized. It is about loving your neighbor as GOD HAS LOVED US.

It is understanding God's will for His people. We are here to proclaim His excellencies, to show the line between darkness and light and we need to do it together. (Because it's plural, hahah, Tom Job said, "All y'all.")

So I am challenging you all to look at how you live together. How do you interact? Does that reflect what God will have us do? Or are we giving people a reason not to want to be a part of the team? Do we make Christianity look appealing? Or do we make it look boring? Do we make it look ordinary? What does the Church look like to you? How should it look to you? What do you want from your peers? What do you want from your elders? Pastors?

We have to STOP giving people a reason to reject Jesus.
If we acted the way we are supposed to--people would not use us as an excuse not to follow Him. If we acted the way we were supposed to people who reject Christianity are rejecting God--and cannot hide behind any excuse, but that they just don't believe.


(&& after I wrote all of this, I went to YouTube and searched 1 Peter 2:9, and look who came up?? FRANCIS CHAN!)

HAHAH, that is a hilarious moment to freeze.

When I grow up I want to be...

My version of who Bianca Juarez is.

Ahhh!! So today, I found Bianca's first week of the Summer Series: The Scandalous Message of James. And I was so encouarged by what she said and inspired by how she speaks, what she speaks and the Word of God pouring out of her... I went and iStalked her on iTunes.

In my quest, I found something recent she did that was posted on Vertical Video Podcast with Nate Heitzig, Triune Purity. Ahh!! This is seriously something that I wish I could have heard when I was in high school. And you hear it in her voice, that conviction, that passion, and the truth. I am so inspired by her passion. The urgency in her voice.



Thank you Bianca for the encouragement, the boldness, and the example of what it means to truly live out the Gospel. For showing me how to walk, talk, preach and teach in the name of LOVE.

God is doing awesome things for this generation!! I have been watching a change in the wind here in the Church, all of God's Church. I am so excited to be a part of the next generation. And I say it over and over again: I am excited to be allowed to be a part of this story God is writing. I look around at the students I get the privilege to meet, enter their lives... and I freakin' love them! I don't think I tell them enough (or even at all) how excited I am for them and what they are capable of.

So everyone--let's step up, shall we?



EDIT | I am a 20-something


Today I was told that I was young. I mentioned my love and desire for youth and women's ministry and in a roundabout way, I was told, "Hold your horses, you are too young. Wisdom comes with age, and you need some more grey hairs." And went further to say that I need to make more mistakes.

While I find the statement valid, I was still frustrated.
I responded with, "I have a story. And I want to tell it. When the time is right."

I was refuted with a, "Your story has just started!"

I found myself even more frustrated. Frustrated at the fact that this person has never heard my story. Ever. They've gotten glimpses of it, and probably assume they know it, but I haven't shared that much with them yet.

It sounded like at the age of 30... I will be ready for ministry. That's when Jesus started. That is the supposed age of Timothy when Paul told him not to let anyone despise his youth. (I say 'supposed' because I have also heard 17, either way, I don't care, the fact is that he was encouraged.) And on and on I was told that I had to make mistakes, we all make mistakes in our youth. We think we know it all, we think we are mature, we don't see the need for mentors.

(Trust me. I have seen the need and have learned so much from older, wiser, more mature women of Christ.) I am young. Yes. But I still have a story to tell. I think wisdom comes with the exercising of my faith, not with the number of my age.

Thirty. That's six-seven years from now. Do I think I will be used then? Probably. Do I think I can be used now? Definitely. In the course of six to seven years a lot can and will change. But right now, in this moment--my voice, my story, my heart is to serve the military community. How I do it-- I am leaving to God. When I do it--I am leaving to God. The desire of my heart is to serve this community and God's allowed me to do it.

I was still frustrated at the end of the conversation. Even when I agreed completely with the fact that we need those mentors in our lives, we need the seasons where we sit and learn and listen, we need to be still so that God can teach us, so that we can discern what happens next. I agreed with it all, but I was still frustrated.

I did not want to be wrapped up and categorized with his story.

I've been broken down, I've been tested, I've suffered, I've rejoiced, I've learned, I've sat, I've listenend, I've been surrounded by events and people who have interacted with this story God's been writing. I take pride in my standing with Jesus--I am a daughter of God. I am called to be a saint. I am a warrior for God.

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9

The difference in mentality is that he saw his youth as a weakness, "I am still going to make mistakes."

I see God using me where I am. A 23 year-old Army wife. I am focused on the Gospel and the promises of hope and eternity. I am chosen. I am royal. I am holy... because I am God's. I am called to belong to him. I am called to be a saint. I am young, and I love it.

On my 19th birthday I got to go on a missions trip to Mexico with the church. I wasn't married to DJ yet, but his aunt and uncle were helping lead the trip down. They pulled me aside to tell me how lucky I was to have started that relationship and have that surity in Jesus at such a young age, because they didn't realize they needed him till they were 30.

I embrace my youth.
Even more so... I embrace the time God's given me to know him. To work with him.
I embrace my story.
I am not ashamed.
I AM NOT ASHAMED.

Club Be-Awesome!!

Haha!! I love blog titles because I can make them as cheesy as I want and you still have to read them to get to the pictures. Haha! (PS. Do you all reamember the hamster scene in Bolt? BEYOND AWESOME!! ;) ;) Hahahahaaaaa.)

Today I had to say goodbye to my Beer Family. It wasn't as sad as I would have expected. Katie said something pretty awesome, "It doesn't feel final, so I am sure we'll see each other again." I love it. We all have a hope that we will get back together and do GREAT things for God because these friendships and these lessons-learned are not for naught. :) So see you later Beers! Have a great time in Nice, France!!

Today as I saw them leave, in my mind, I went through the catalogue of people I DO have in my life. And I really wanted to take today to share about my Dream Team this summer!! Laura is my Community Director and Jessica is our Summer Intern for Club Beyond. I have loved spending the past few months with Laura and to spend Beach Break working together with our students. They've taught me so much about servanthood and relationships.





I definitely believe in this ministry. I have no idea what to do outside of a military community. And even more than that--I am so excited to be the next generation of Christians who will rise up and take our place. And to me, youth ministry is a place where we can pray for and encourage the generation that follows us. (I guess it's the natural teacher in me.) But I love that God allows and enables us the opportunity to be a part of people's lives, especially young adults, who will be my future--the future.

I am so excited to see what God will do with all of us. How he will use each of our students. How he will continue to let us work in his fields. How he will... just be God, do his thing. :) :)




We got to decompress in Austria for a few days after 2 weeks of Beach Break. I loved being able to just sit and relax and get to know the girls more. God is so good and it is so amazing to have friends who love Jesus and when we get together, we can just be happy. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the time. And just attribute it all to God.

I am so glad that Elizabeth chose Austria as our place for rest. We got a cablecar to go up the mountain and really--all Creation totally screams how awesome God is. I feel so small in comparision. And in all my--humanity, in my failures, in my weakness, as small as I am--the truth is that God loves me so much more than all of Creation. He loves me so much more than the flowers we admire. He loves me so much more than the cows we pass by. He did it ALL FOR US.

It's absolutely amazing. Enough said.




EDIT | PRAYER REQUEST PLEASE
We are praying that God raises male leaders for our boys. We have such a hope for a thriving group of students who will really revloutionize their school this year and I know that I have looked at this summer as a traning period, a time where God is going to pour out so much into our students--to prepare them for battle--to get them ready for the next school year. And our boys are in such need of committed leaders whose hearts are to edify and encourage them. My heart breaks because DJ isn't around for THEM. Anyone!! For that matter!!

Lord. I pray for a man/men who have a loving heart that desires to raise up and train the next generation of leaders. I pray that they love students, want to teach, grow, and encouarge them. I pray that whoever it is that you send us--will love you and want to do your work. Lord give us a spiritual leader.

In your Son's name I pray. AMEN.