Hope?! (When things feel hopeless...)

My heart is heavy.

You know that feeling you get when your stomach feels weird--you aren't nauseated, but you feel, kind of nervious?
Your heartbeat is a little irregular.
You don't know whether or not to smile, cry, shut up, or say something clever, or even better--something Christian.

This is how I feel when my heart is heavy.
When I am faced with something uneasy.
When my friends come to me with problems, questions, issues, etc.
When people tell me their ________ just died.
When people complain about something significant in their life.

I have NO idea what to say.
I just feel... this... heaviness and nervousness.
If I don't say the ''right thing'' then I miss this opportunity.
I feel like I miss the opportunity to say, "God is good."

(I miss the opportunity because tension makes me feel uneasy...)
Doesn't that just sound silly!?


So.
Here it goes.
For everytime that I've sat silent because I felt uncomfortable for saying what I wanted to, what I should have... here it is.


GOD IS GOOD.
We know that God loves us, so much that He sends His Son to die on the Cross for us.
DO YOU BELIEVE IT!? Do you believe that God loves us THAT much?
How does that make you feel?

The fact that our God is a GOOD God puts life's stormiest nights in perspective. He's a master planner and designer. I won't ever doubt God's planning, His judgement, and His timing. Why?? Because He's got my back. I heard a student say today, "I got your back like a chiropractor." Haha!!


Yes. Life may feel like you are treading water in the middle of nowhere right now. But--it gets better. It always does. Because of the FACT that God is good and He loves you. Do you believe that? How does that make you feel?

A lot of the time, our culture is telling us to focus on Number One--you. How does that make you feel? So what are you going to do about it? (Instead of saying, "What is real? What is fact?" then... how does that make you feel?


Friends.
I spent an entire year in 'hiding,' or rather, 'hermit mode.'
I didn't want to open up to anyone. I didn't trust anyone. I was very closed-lipped about a lot of things because it was how I reacted to the unknown, the uncertain.... my own deep-seated insecurities.

And yes--I am fine now.
But if I could do it over again--or rather, if I ever walk through a valley that deep again, trust me, I would do things differently this time around.

Find a mentor to confide in. Someone who isn't there to encourage your neurotic notions and emotions. Someone who isn't afraid to KEEP IT REAL (KIR). Someone who is a sound Christian and will give you advice that is grounded and rooted in God's word. Someone trustworthy. Someone who isn't a malicious gossip (oooh, hot topic, I will get to that in another post). Someone who won't judge. Oh! Here's a good one: Someone who is another woman!! Don't be shady, just saying.

(However, I have had meetings with Chaplains. I would try seeking counsel as well, people often use counseling as a last resort, but--pre-emptive attacks are way cooler and you keep the cards in your hand, you know?) I would always choose a Chaplain over a psychologist, because I have sat in psychologists' offices and thought, "You are spinning some crazy advice right now. I'm gonna pray for you." HAHA!)

I am the first say say... I need to follow my own advice. Yes, it's hard. It's intimidating. But it will help.




Where the heck was I going with all this?

Oh. That's right.

Philippians 4:4-9, my mantra for life. Read each verse and really meditate on what it means and how you are going to apply it!


4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.

5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Mr&Mrs Lebron

Two weeks into our 'relationship' DJ's brother, Manny, asked us, "What are your intentions for each other?" Two weeks in, I looked at him and wondered, "Seriously?" It probably showed on my face cause he went on to say, "I know you guys don't want to label it or whatever, but it's good to know what your intentions are because it lays out the boundaries in your relationship." We didn't answer him, we just looked at him. Haha.

A week after that, I asked DJ on the phone, "So, what are your intentions?" (If I ever turn our lives into a movie, this line is definitely in it.) He answered, "I want to be your first love and your last love. Whether that means right now till forever, or right now, and later in life, we end up together. Either way, I'm yours and you are mine."

GOOD one, right!?

So in three weeks, our intentions were to end up together, whatever that meant. (Probably less than that. We were at a marriage retreat and the chaplain asked, "How many of you, when you met your wife, knew, just knew without a doubt, that she would be your wife?" DJ and the chaplain were the only ones that rose their hand.)

I thought about it all and I was--very realistic--two teenagers in "love" and want to be together "forever." YEAH, right!! Haha, sucker!! You're crazy. (I think the thoughts went something like that...haha.)

But I wanted to be a good girlfriend, a great girlfriend. I went to Barnes and Noble, looking for a good Christian Dating book. I reached for things like Boundaries in Dating, Boy Meets Girl, etc, but you know what I eneded up buying?? The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace. Haha.

My logic was...
WHAT IS THE BEST KIND OF GIRLFRIEND!?
A WIFE!!

So I read the book. I would reccommend this book to ALL engaged ladies. Actually to ALL ladies!! Everyone!! If you ever want to get married, if you are already are married, just pick it up! It is a great book. It taught me so much about selfless love, biblical living, and submission, uh-oh, I said it... submission to GOD. My relationship with God grew so much as I learned what it was to be a biblical wife.

I've read a lot of marriage books. A lot. Why? I don't know... because I want to be a know-it-all, or I am just interested in the relationship. I am marriage's biggest cheerleader. I absolutely love it when people get married, I love it when they celebrate anniversaries, and my heart breaks, totally crushing, when marriages fall apart. And with all the marriage books that I've read, all the bits and pieces of wisdom that I have picked up have only prepared me, given me a taste of what marriage is ACTUALLY like.

Living this life with this man in this marriage is... a refining fire.

Yes. I said it. I called my marriage a fire. Not a pretty garden, not a summer's night stroll on the beach, not pretty roses and chocolates. This marriage has been a refining fire, it has been iron sharpening iron, it has been filled with brokenness, humiliating circumstances, anger, forgiveness, passion, weakness, adoration, failures, love, disciplining, triumphant victory.

Marriage is hard.
Marriage is trying.
Marriage takes so, so, so much trust in God.

Even in the worse situations, the only, simple, overbearing fact that God is good and He loves me, has been enough to conquer my fears and insecurities. And because He loves DJ, I can forgive. I can serve. I can submit. I can rejoice. Because He is in control, I can let go. Because He is sovereign, I can accept. Because He is faithful, I have hope.

God is the only sure thing in marriage. It's the only sure thing in life. It is the only constant.

In those amazing days where all is right in the world--God is good, He is in control, He is sovereign, and He is faithful.
In those days marked with suffering and pain--God is good, He is in control, He is soverign, and He is faithful.

In my first year of marriage, I picked up Gary Thomas' book, Sacred Marriage. I read the first two chapters and stopped reading it, because as a Newlywed, here was a man that was talking about how some days... I will hate my husband. And some days he won't be able to stand me. I thought, "What is this madness! This isn't a marraige book!"

In Year Four of marriage, I picked up the book again.
And I understood it.

In my humanity, in my flesh, in my sin, I am not a loving person. I am flawed. I am angry. I have trust issues. I am selfish. It is only with the power of the Holy Spirit that I see that marriage includes the entire spectrum of emotion and in this refining fire, I am being taught, DJ is being taught to be a servant in God's kingdom. We are living out the relationship that God intends us to have with Him.

So we fail, we falter, we stumble--and God is good, He is incontrol, He is soverign, and He is faithful, and He holds our hand, He strengthens our weak knees and sets us back up on the path He's laid down for us.

I love this Man and the man that He made for me. I thank my God every single day for the opportunity to love and serve. I thank God for DJ and this marriage and all it has taught me, molded me, transformed my viewpoints.


And what I want to tell all you wives today is this:

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
(1 Peter 4:8)

Love each other deeply. Earnesetly. Fervently. And that will cover, overshadow, conquer everything else. :)

God bless you all.



EDIT | Book Reccomendations

Love and Respect
Sacred Marriage
The Excellent Wife
Sacred Influence
Champagne for the Soul
The Power of a Praying Wife
For Women Only

Excuse me. Can you please STOP dissing my God?

"Can you honestly say Jesus Christ is your LORD? That you are his servant?"
--OR ARE YOU A LIAR??

I am listening to an older podcast from Cornerstone Simi Valley and Francis Chan is asking this question. THE question. And doens't it sound like one of those questions you've heard so many times?? And the answer is either: "Yeah, obviously." Or, "No, I don't believe in Jesus."

At last week's Club Beyond talk, a student was asking about respect and how hard it was to respect someone who didn't respect you, I blurted out, "Then you pray about it and Jesus will take care of it, he can change your heart." And he turned and looked at his friend, laughed and muttered, "I don't believe in Jesus." And laughed a laugh that was like, "What's he got to do with it anyway?

I was SO angry.
(Then sad.)

I am not mad when people don't acknowledge Jesus as their LORD. I am mad and offended when people think that MY LORD and MY GOD is not capable of changing such small and minute things. When people take it out of GOD's hands and into their own, and they say things like, "I have done EVERYTHING I can." It angers me to see someone who is resting in their OWN ability to change their circumstances. My question is, "WHAT HAS GOD DONE??"


If Jesus is truly my Lord, I fear nothing. I am his servant. I serve him. I am his slave. I feel like tehre are a lot of people who don't take that relationship seriously enough. LORD. MASTER. I follow him. I worship him. I serve him. He doesn't serve me. He doesn't cater to me.

IT'S NOT ABOUT ME.

I have loved how God has broken me and built back up.I love how he has allowed me to suffer when I have. & How he has used every single thing in my life to show me a little more about who he is and how he works in our world, in my life, how he is still alive and working actively today.

I have learned and loved finding JOY in my suffering.
HOW?? Why?? Are you nuts!? Haha!

Because it is NOT about me. It is not about what I want. How I feel. When I want things to happen. It is about GOD and HIS plan, and HIS purpose, HIS will, it's HIS universe, HIS earth, and HIS story.

I am a supporting actress in a movie about Jesus.
So, in what ways can I act and live in a way that showcases the role of Jesus, my Christ, in this movie?? How do I serve my LORD? What more can I do?

If he says forgive, will I forgive?
If he says speak up, will I speak up?
When he says stand firm, will I sway?
When he says respect, will I ask, "But what if..."
When he says rejoice, will I give him a list of reasons why I can't?

Please stop dissing my God by telling me, yourself, others, that your problems are too big for God to handle. Stop dissing the God that raised Jesus from the grave. Stop dissing the God that created the universe. Stop dissing the Jesus that 'for the joy that was set before him endured the cross.' Stop dissing the Jesus that walked on water. Stop dissing my LORD. Stop dissing my GOD. Stop telling yourself that God isn't alive and working right now, today, in your life. LET HIM DO WHAT HE DOES BEST. Because you can't do anything better than he can.