Speechless.

I am overwhelmed by how much He loves me through all of my brokenness, through all of my anger, through all of my failures. :)

Hope?! (When things feel hopeless...)

My heart is heavy.

You know that feeling you get when your stomach feels weird--you aren't nauseated, but you feel, kind of nervious?
Your heartbeat is a little irregular.
You don't know whether or not to smile, cry, shut up, or say something clever, or even better--something Christian.

This is how I feel when my heart is heavy.
When I am faced with something uneasy.
When my friends come to me with problems, questions, issues, etc.
When people tell me their ________ just died.
When people complain about something significant in their life.

I have NO idea what to say.
I just feel... this... heaviness and nervousness.
If I don't say the ''right thing'' then I miss this opportunity.
I feel like I miss the opportunity to say, "God is good."

(I miss the opportunity because tension makes me feel uneasy...)
Doesn't that just sound silly!?


So.
Here it goes.
For everytime that I've sat silent because I felt uncomfortable for saying what I wanted to, what I should have... here it is.


GOD IS GOOD.
We know that God loves us, so much that He sends His Son to die on the Cross for us.
DO YOU BELIEVE IT!? Do you believe that God loves us THAT much?
How does that make you feel?

The fact that our God is a GOOD God puts life's stormiest nights in perspective. He's a master planner and designer. I won't ever doubt God's planning, His judgement, and His timing. Why?? Because He's got my back. I heard a student say today, "I got your back like a chiropractor." Haha!!


Yes. Life may feel like you are treading water in the middle of nowhere right now. But--it gets better. It always does. Because of the FACT that God is good and He loves you. Do you believe that? How does that make you feel?

A lot of the time, our culture is telling us to focus on Number One--you. How does that make you feel? So what are you going to do about it? (Instead of saying, "What is real? What is fact?" then... how does that make you feel?


Friends.
I spent an entire year in 'hiding,' or rather, 'hermit mode.'
I didn't want to open up to anyone. I didn't trust anyone. I was very closed-lipped about a lot of things because it was how I reacted to the unknown, the uncertain.... my own deep-seated insecurities.

And yes--I am fine now.
But if I could do it over again--or rather, if I ever walk through a valley that deep again, trust me, I would do things differently this time around.

Find a mentor to confide in. Someone who isn't there to encourage your neurotic notions and emotions. Someone who isn't afraid to KEEP IT REAL (KIR). Someone who is a sound Christian and will give you advice that is grounded and rooted in God's word. Someone trustworthy. Someone who isn't a malicious gossip (oooh, hot topic, I will get to that in another post). Someone who won't judge. Oh! Here's a good one: Someone who is another woman!! Don't be shady, just saying.

(However, I have had meetings with Chaplains. I would try seeking counsel as well, people often use counseling as a last resort, but--pre-emptive attacks are way cooler and you keep the cards in your hand, you know?) I would always choose a Chaplain over a psychologist, because I have sat in psychologists' offices and thought, "You are spinning some crazy advice right now. I'm gonna pray for you." HAHA!)

I am the first say say... I need to follow my own advice. Yes, it's hard. It's intimidating. But it will help.




Where the heck was I going with all this?

Oh. That's right.

Philippians 4:4-9, my mantra for life. Read each verse and really meditate on what it means and how you are going to apply it!


4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.

5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Let the Worship Rise

"My heart is steadfast, O God! I will sing and make melody with all my being! Awake, o harp and lyre! I will awake the dawn! I will give thanks to you, O LORD, among the peoples; I will sing praises to you among the nations."
(Psalm 108: 1-3)

I love that Psalm 108 shows how excited King David is about God. Look at the (!!) and that he wants to tell the world with his thanks to God. There are times when I am reading through the Psalms and my heart jumps because it amazes me that someone could love God so much. (So much that they wouldn't shut up. Hah! There are 150 Psalms!!)

I learned a new worship song recently. Hallelujah, by Lenny Leblanc. We sang it a lot during the conference in Germany. I'd never heard it, I couldn't find it, and now that I have, I haven't stopped listening to it. I love the words in the song.



"Let the worship rise from deep within, the sanctuary sing, Hallelujah. Hear the praises from the grateful ones, rescued from the flames. The song of those unchained, for the glory of your name." Hallelujah means PRAISE YAHWEH. I have learned a new spirit of praise and worship in my last year of existence. Paul reminds us over and over in his letters that we are to rejoice in all circumstances. He talks a lot about his sufferings and his obstacles in getting the gospel to the Gentiles. And still he praised God for the life set before him.

And when I think about it. I sit back and think about Jesus dying just to save me. Me. A nothing. A human. One human. And to imagine the insult, the pain, the agony...that he felt when he was mocked, beaten, and crucified--all for me. I have nothing else to say, but Hallelujah.

Praise God for the death He died so that I could have mine.

&& What am I doing with it? If I am not spending it in worship and praise to glorify His name, His kingdom, then to me, it would seem pretty pointless. I recently asked some of my students the question, "What is our purpose in life?" I got answers like, "To enjoy life. To find a purpose. To find meaning. To set goals." Those are the kinds of answers I got. No one had anything more concrete. I'm not sure whether I wanted to laugh, stick my tongue out and yell, "Suckkkerrr. I know mine!" Or feel totally heartbroken and cry and yell, "HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE OUR PURPOSE!?"

I hope that in everything I do, the motives come from a pure heart and clear intentions on the building up of God's kingdom. I want people to see Christ in His creation, in me, in my actions, in my aspirations, in my words, in everything. I was rescued from a life of meaninless, aimless wandering, uncertainty.

But I will sing forever, Hallelujah. Because my God loved me enough. Because my Jesus found me worthy. And because the Spirit works in the world around me to remind me constantly of God's promises.

What is your purpose in life? In what ways can you worship God in your daily life?? How are you reminded of His love? Your child's face? A song on the radio? A book? A movie? A loyal pet? A moving story?