IM NOTHING+STILL U LOVE ME

Plentiful

2010-11-18T06:30:00.005+01:00

God is good.

I feel so blessed, so honored, so grateful, so privilleged to be a part of my students' lives. Last night I got to see how one simple truth could change lives. One simple truth: JESUS LOVES YOU AS YOU ARE.

Last night was not what I had expected. Not at all.
As I sit here the morning after, I am excited. I am thinking of ways to tell the story. How do I tell people about the amazing work God is doing in the Youth here in Vicenza. I love these students. (If you haven't heard me say it before, I love you friends!)

We had over 100 students and parents at Club last night. ALL of our leaders showed up that night. We turned off the lights and couldn't get them back on. They turned on and warmed up JUST as the kids were counting down with the video. As you can see in the picture above, over fifty students got up when they were faced with this decision: Do you want a relationship, a real relationship with Jesus Christ?

We prayed. And prayed. And prayed some more.

God. Is. So. Good.

Matthew 9:36-38 says, "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”

Last night God showed us, as Club Leaders that the harvest is plentiful. Afterwards, I was talking with DJ and Laura and how much work we had before us. And DJ said, "Well I don't really have a choice." I thought he meant... he didn't have a choice to be involved because I was involved in Club, so I said, "After seeing what we did tonight..." He finished, "Exactly. After all of this--we don't have a choice." God placed each of us in that gym for a purpose and it is such a blessing to have purpose, to KNOW that this has all be appointed by God and that there is much to do ahead of us.

Thank you God for my story, my role, and my place in Your kingdom. :)

Last night was also a night where God showed me how faithful He is to keep His promises, to show me that He is so good and that He has heard my prayers. It was awesome to see DJ walk around and pray with guys. To see him get phone numbers. To watch how he cared and loved them. God is faithful.

Check out the Ministry| HYPE Assemblies

PRAYER| Colossians 1:28-29

"He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me."

Speechless.

2010-10-27T12:09:00.001+02:00

I am overwhelmed by how much He loves me through all of my brokenness, through all of my anger, through all of my failures. :)

Hope?! (When things feel hopeless...)

2010-10-23T23:27:00.002+02:00

My heart is heavy.

You know that feeling you get when your stomach feels weird--you aren't nauseated, but you feel, kind of nervious?
Your heartbeat is a little irregular.
You don't know whether or not to smile, cry, shut up, or say something clever, or even better--something Christian.

This is how I feel when my heart is heavy.
When I am faced with something uneasy.
When my friends come to me with problems, questions, issues, etc.
When people tell me their ________ just died.
When people complain about something significant in their life.

I have NO idea what to say.
I just feel... this... heaviness and nervousness.
If I don't say the ''right thing'' then I miss this opportunity.
I feel like I miss the opportunity to say, "God is good."

(I miss the opportunity because tension makes me feel uneasy...)
Doesn't that just sound silly!?

So.
Here it goes.
For everytime that I've sat silent because I felt uncomfortable for saying what I wanted to, what I should have... here it is.

GOD IS GOOD.
We know that God loves us, so much that He sends His Son to die on the Cross for us.
DO YOU BELIEVE IT!? Do you believe that God loves us THAT much?
How does that make you feel?

The fact that our God is a GOOD God puts life's stormiest nights in perspective. He's a master planner and designer. I won't ever doubt God's planning, His judgement, and His timing. Why?? Because He's got my back. I heard a student say today, "I got your back like a chiropractor." Haha!!

Yes. Life may feel like you are treading water in the middle of nowhere right now. But--it gets better. It always does. Because of the FACT that God is good and He loves you. Do you believe that? How does that make you feel?

A lot of the time, our culture is telling us to focus on Number One--you. How does that make you feel? So what are you going to do about it? (Instead of saying, "What is real? What is fact?" then... how does that make you feel?

Friends.
I spent an entire year in 'hiding,' or rather, 'hermit mode.'
I didn't want to open up to anyone. I didn't trust anyone. I was very closed-lipped about a lot of things because it was how I reacted to the unknown, the uncertain.... my own deep-seated insecurities.

And yes--I am fine now.
But if I could do it over again--or rather, if I ever walk through a valley that deep again, trust me, I would do things differently this time around.

Find a mentor to confide in. Someone who isn't there to encourage your neurotic notions and emotions. Someone who isn't afraid to KEEP IT REAL (KIR). Someone who is a sound Christian and will give you advice that is grounded and rooted in God's word. Someone trustworthy. Someone who isn't a malicious gossip (oooh, hot topic, I will get to that in another post). Someone who won't judge. Oh! Here's a good one: Someone who is another woman!! Don't be shady, just saying.

(However, I have had meetings with Chaplains. I would try seeking counsel as well, people often use counseling as a last resort, but--pre-emptive attacks are way cooler and you keep the cards in your hand, you know?) I would always choose a Chaplain over a psychologist, because I have sat in psychologists' offices and thought, "You are spinning some crazy advice right now. I'm gonna pray for you." HAHA!)

I am the first say say... I need to follow my own advice. Yes, it's hard. It's intimidating. But it will help.

Where the heck was I going with all this?

Oh. That's right.

Philippians 4:4-9, my mantra for life. Read each verse and really meditate on what it means and how you are going to apply it!

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.

5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

The word that wives hate to hear

2010-09-16T23:17:00.013+02:00

1 Peter 3:1-7

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

There it is. The word that wives hate to hear: submit. Trust me when I say this--I am no expert at being a wife. Haha. I think I do well... but I am waiting to be called a "virtuous wife."

I feel like this conversation has come up time and time again & I've heard a lot of the same thing, "If my husband loved me the way Christ loves the Church, it would be easier to submit to him." When we read Ephesians 5, it isn't a condition. "Wives be subject to your own husbands..." (not) "...if he loves you as Christ loves the church." It just is. We are called to do so. Commanded to do so.

There are times when I totally fail at the whole listening thing. I blow off requests DJ makes. I weigh those requests... what is acceptable to me? What would I rather do? What's easiest to swallow? I make a lot of excuses for my I decide to follow him one day and not another.

Then I had this thought... if I want DJ to be the head of this household. If I want him to lead me. If I want him to reflect the way Jesus loves the Church, then I have to let him. In the requests that seem petty, small, unimportant... if I can't allow him to lead me in those requests, how can I expect him to lead me in the bigger picture? Not because he isn't capable, but because I don't let him?

I want to be led.
I want to completely trust my husband.
I want him to speak for me.
(Because... let's face it ladies, when DJ and I stand before Jesus, he will give an account for me. He is responsible for me. And that. Feels. Like. Freedom-but more on that in a later post.)

&& How can I make such bold statements when I fail to want the small things? I want my husband to protect me. I want him to worry about me. I want him to cherish me. && When he does those things (in whatever ways he does), I should simply... rejoice.

Philippians 4:4-8
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Father God help me to be the woman You have always intended me to be. Continue to seek after me, because I know your commands, I know your promises. Help me to love like You do, see the way You see, and serve the way Your Son served. Thank you for your forgiveness, compassion, and example. Bless this marriage. Give strength to the women who struggle to surrender it all to You and trust. In your Son's name I pray. Amen.

"She's Young, she knows everything..."

2010-09-04T10:21:00.009+02:00

Recently, I have been feeling a little strange. Unexplainably restless and I haven't known how to fix it.

Last night, I was sitting at bible study and we were talking about knowing that God takes care of His children. And the study leader was addressing the youngins and said something to the effect of, "The longer you live, the more you see that God is real and He provides." Then he prompted the older people in the room to share some experiences in which this was true and how God takes care of us, so that we, the youngins, can undertand.

It felt a little condescending.
No. It felt a lot condescending.
Haha.

I understand my place most of the time. I am okay with being younger. I am okay with being a woman. I am okay with being a daughter. I am okay with being a student. However, I feel incredibly invalidated and patronized when older Christians assume that because of my age, I am "so young" and because I am so young, I don't, or can't understand God.

Then the question was asked, "So young ones, what did you gather from that story?" Without thinking, out it came. I said, "Nothing that I didn't already know." I laughed at the end to lighten the mood, I didn't mean to sound like such a smarty-pants, but there it was, I said it. (Everyone else was thinking it, I am sure.) Haha. And the storyteller said, "Oh yeah, she's young, she knows everything." And again, without thinking, out it came. I said, "Yeah. I do."

HAHA!
Oh. No.
Again. I laughed, to lighten the mood and to mask my smart-ass remark.

For the record. I don't know everything. But I wouldn't want people to assume that I know nothing. Did I step out of line when I said what I did last night? I am not sure. I am torn between lowering my head sheeplishly, or just sitting still, stand firm. I did not mean my snarky remarks in any mean spirit, I think I was just frustrated. I feel as though I have been told a few times in the past few months, "You're still young..." and each time, I feel the same pang of frustration.

Yes. I am 23 years old.
Does that hinder my intellect? No.
Does that affect my understanding of God's word. No.
Does it mean that God doesn't speak to me as much as he speaks to the 50 year old? No.

Because the number of years that I have lived on this earth don't interpret God's word. Those years don't feel God's love. The number of years don't mean anything to me.

God's word, His truth, His love, His sacrifice, His gift is for everyone, under any circumstance. The story God has given me has given me a certain lens to look at how He has worked in my life. And I have seen His providence, I have seen His faithfulness, I have seen how good He is.

If I died tomorrow--does that mean that I have missed out on God's love? God's provision? God's providence? God's blessings? No. No. No. No. No.

Yes. I am young. But should my faith be discredited?

Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12)

Praise God

2010-08-30T23:22:00.001+02:00

Today I am thankful because... In a crowd full of faces, He sees me.
&& It is enough. More than enough.

Countdown Starts

2010-08-29T02:14:00.001+02:00

DJ will be home soon. :) I miss him.

J* Fever

2010-08-26T23:56:00.017+02:00

Watch Jasmine Star has been on the tips of everyone's tongue this week because of her course on CreativeLive.com. The more I am listening to her talk--not just about photography, but life and her husband--it makes me love them more!!

Just throwing it out there Jasmine, I think we will be great friends one day.

Why do I think that, the reader may ask?? Let me tell you the ways, haha.

1) So first off. I freakin love her energy. Her excitement. You hear it in her voice. You can just tell that she just plain enjoys life.

2) Jesus. God. Holy Spirit. I love that she loves Jesus. (DJ's older brothers use to go to Calvary Chapel Montebello, and I've listened to Pastor Panch on iTunes. We all love Jesus. and I love it!!)

3) Bianca!! I LOVE Bianca (Jasmine's twin sister). If you haven't read her blog, Bianca is an amazing woman of God and I love her blog. Check it out. Because you can. The internet is awesome.

4) Our husbands. Listening to Jasmine talk about JD made me slip into a mild depression because I miss my hubby. Haha.

(OH! Here is weird flip number four and a quarter and four and a half!!) (You are going to laugh. Because I did. Hard.)

Jasmine is Mexican, JD is kind of an Asian, HAHA!! By kind of I mean half, I think. I am the Asian in the relationship and my hubby is kind of a Mexican, and by that I mean half. AND my hubby's name is DJ. Haha, get it? DJ | JD. LOL. I know... nerdy. But really... how could I not address that? LOL.

And four and three quarters: DJ is also going to be a great second shooter. Despite the fact that he is in Afhghanistan right now--when Jasmine was talking about JD and how he is a chameleon, he puts people at ease, he just gets along with everyone. That is why I love when he comes on shoots with me now... he really just relaxes the situation. When we start doing weddings--it will be glorious.

5) Southern Californians just get along. Especially over In-N-Out. :)

So one day. Some day. We will be friends. Great ones. Hahah.

I am soooo in love with the Photo Community to be able to be a part of something like Create Live. It's such a great, great, great way for photographers to learn AND FOR FREE!! Love it!!!

Mr&Mrs Lebron

2010-08-24T02:11:00.018+02:00

Two weeks into our 'relationship' DJ's brother, Manny, asked us, "What are your intentions for each other?" Two weeks in, I looked at him and wondered, "Seriously?" It probably showed on my face cause he went on to say, "I know you guys don't want to label it or whatever, but it's good to know what your intentions are because it lays out the boundaries in your relationship." We didn't answer him, we just looked at him. Haha.

A week after that, I asked DJ on the phone, "So, what are your intentions?" (If I ever turn our lives into a movie, this line is definitely in it.) He answered, "I want to be your first love and your last love. Whether that means right now till forever, or right now, and later in life, we end up together. Either way, I'm yours and you are mine."

GOOD one, right!?

So in three weeks, our intentions were to end up together, whatever that meant. (Probably less than that. We were at a marriage retreat and the chaplain asked, "How many of you, when you met your wife, knew, just knew without a doubt, that she would be your wife?" DJ and the chaplain were the only ones that rose their hand.)

I thought about it all and I was--very realistic--two teenagers in "love" and want to be together "forever." YEAH, right!! Haha, sucker!! You're crazy. (I think the thoughts went something like that...haha.)

But I wanted to be a good girlfriend, a great girlfriend. I went to Barnes and Noble, looking for a good Christian Dating book. I reached for things like Boundaries in Dating, Boy Meets Girl, etc, but you know what I eneded up buying?? The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace. Haha.

My logic was...
WHAT IS THE BEST KIND OF GIRLFRIEND!?
A WIFE!!

So I read the book. I would reccommend this book to ALL engaged ladies. Actually to ALL ladies!! Everyone!! If you ever want to get married, if you are already are married, just pick it up! It is a great book. It taught me so much about selfless love, biblical living, and submission, uh-oh, I said it... submission to GOD. My relationship with God grew so much as I learned what it was to be a biblical wife.

I've read a lot of marriage books. A lot. Why? I don't know... because I want to be a know-it-all, or I am just interested in the relationship. I am marriage's biggest cheerleader. I absolutely love it when people get married, I love it when they celebrate anniversaries, and my heart breaks, totally crushing, when marriages fall apart. And with all the marriage books that I've read, all the bits and pieces of wisdom that I have picked up have only prepared me, given me a taste of what marriage is ACTUALLY like.

Living this life with this man in this marriage is... a refining fire.

Yes. I said it. I called my marriage a fire. Not a pretty garden, not a summer's night stroll on the beach, not pretty roses and chocolates. This marriage has been a refining fire, it has been iron sharpening iron, it has been filled with brokenness, humiliating circumstances, anger, forgiveness, passion, weakness, adoration, failures, love, disciplining, triumphant victory.

Marriage is hard.
Marriage is trying.
Marriage takes so, so, so much trust in God.

Even in the worse situations, the only, simple, overbearing fact that God is good and He loves me, has been enough to conquer my fears and insecurities. And because He loves DJ, I can forgive. I can serve. I can submit. I can rejoice. Because He is in control, I can let go. Because He is sovereign, I can accept. Because He is faithful, I have hope.

God is the only sure thing in marriage. It's the only sure thing in life. It is the only constant.

In those amazing days where all is right in the world--God is good, He is in control, He is sovereign, and He is faithful.
In those days marked with suffering and pain--God is good, He is in control, He is soverign, and He is faithful.

In my first year of marriage, I picked up Gary Thomas' book, Sacred Marriage. I read the first two chapters and stopped reading it, because as a Newlywed, here was a man that was talking about how some days... I will hate my husband. And some days he won't be able to stand me. I thought, "What is this madness! This isn't a marraige book!"

In Year Four of marriage, I picked up the book again.
And I understood it.

In my humanity, in my flesh, in my sin, I am not a loving person. I am flawed. I am angry. I have trust issues. I am selfish. It is only with the power of the Holy Spirit that I see that marriage includes the entire spectrum of emotion and in this refining fire, I am being taught, DJ is being taught to be a servant in God's kingdom. We are living out the relationship that God intends us to have with Him.

So we fail, we falter, we stumble--and God is good, He is incontrol, He is soverign, and He is faithful, and He holds our hand, He strengthens our weak knees and sets us back up on the path He's laid down for us.

I love this Man and the man that He made for me. I thank my God every single day for the opportunity to love and serve. I thank God for DJ and this marriage and all it has taught me, molded me, transformed my viewpoints.

And what I want to tell all you wives today is this:

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
(1 Peter 4:8)

Love each other deeply. Earnesetly. Fervently. And that will cover, overshadow, conquer everything else. :)

God bless you all.

EDIT | Book Reccomendations

Love and Respect
Sacred Marriage
The Excellent Wife
Sacred Influence
Champagne for the Soul
The Power of a Praying Wife
For Women Only

REEL TALK: Eat Pray Love

2010-08-22T19:37:00.010+02:00

(First off, I wonder if anyone's TM'ed that, "Reel Talk" I think that is pretty freakin' clever.)

So I caught 2/3 of the movie Eat, Pray, Love. I feel like the movie's been on the tips of everyone's tongue lately. I was intrigued by it a few years ago when I think Oprah made a big deal about the book, and you know me-- I never care what Oprah has to say. Haha! So... I never read the book. Intrigued by its title though, but never spent the money on it.

But today, as I had nothing to do today in Sigonella, I went to the other post and got to watch Eat, Pray, Love for a mere $3.

This isn't a movie review, because I'm just me. What do you care what I thought about the movie? Haha, these are simply my thoughts. && I have to be honest, I had preconcieved notions before ever stepping in the theater. The only reason I went to go watch it was to make sure I was right. Haha!!

So, Ms. Elizabeth Gilbert. No offense, I couldn't stand her. Wait, I correct myself: I didn't understand her. Let me tell you why Oprah loved the book, and why so many people read it. This is what that book tells you about American society and culture: We are a country, a people who wants more. Never satisfied. Always searching. Constantly let down by our expectations. This is what America does to people.

EAT | FULLFILLMENT
I don't know why but the scene in which Gilbert is talking to her Publisher about why she needs to take a year off, why she needs to get away sticks in my mind. She talked about how her appitite for life, her passion everything inside her felt empty, there was nothing there.

It made me sad.
&& A little mad.

It made me sad because to feel empty like that sounds scary. It isn't truly something that I can relate to. I know in my senior year of high school I was searching for something, a "Why? What for?" And I was introduced to the idea that I needed Jesus to live the life I am supposed to. It was an interesting new concept, I took it and ran with it... and man do I have stories to tell.

&& It made me mad because in the divorce proceedings, her husband asked her, "I know you want to find yourself, but why not find yourself in our marriage?" My heart broke for him. And I was angry with her because she didn't really answer.

(Ugh, if this movie's latent cause is an influx in divorces, I am going to be so pissed.)

Fullfillment doesn't come from anything other than GOD: the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. The voids we feel are the gaps in our relationship, or lack thereof, with God.

PRAY | FAITH
1) God doesn't like divorce. (Just saying. That was the one scene I saw her pray to God and then she gets up in the same scene and divorces her husband.)

2) Crying out to God in tears--great start. But it's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am kind of thing. When you ask a question, don't you expect an answer? Where do your answers come from? Self-help books? Oprah? Friends? Dr. Phil? I've been told this and have used this example a lot: our prayers to God are like voice mails. And He texts us back answers through His Word. Why ask God a question and look EVERYWHERE else for the answer!?

As I waited for an hour for a bus to arrive to take me to Dover AFB a woman walked up for a few minutes and sat down. She was very friendly. Talkative. She handed me a business card and it had a website on it, I didn't pay much attention to it because I was trying to listen to her talk. I glanced at the tagline on the card, "Buddhism for Modern Living." She talked about their goals, how invovled she and her kids are in the movement, etc. Then she explained that they were all about attaining peace. And she noticed that her bus had arrived. She asked me where I was going and I told her, "Italy. Home." She got excited, started gushing about how she's always wanted to see Italy. And she said as she got her umbrella out and up, "I'll have to chant about that one." And said goodbye and left.

I wished that I had more time to converse with her. Probe. Ask questions. I wanted to know her story and see why she felt like she needed so much peace. I digress. To me it was strange that she said, "I'm going to have to chant about that one." Sounds so strange to me. Mantras and spells are chanted to free your mind of thoughts. How does that get you to Italy? (If you know, tell me, I just want to understand.)

I have thought a lot about what my prayer means to me, and to God. How intimately I can be with God. How much truth there is in a total surrender to His plans and what He wants. In my brokenness, I know that He will provide, heal, and teach. Prayer is that relationship lived out. It is a child speaking to a father, whose intent is to teach, raise, and provide for. (I can go on for days, but I don't want to, this post is getting long enough.)

LOVE | GOD
The word "God" is used quite a few times in this movie. I kept asking myself, "Who are they talking about!?" Then I did some Google-reserach, just reading reviews of the book here and there and I came across this, "Let me explain why I use the word God, when I could easily use the words Jehovah, Allah, Shiva, Brahma, Vishnu or Zeus. Alternatively I could call God 'that'...God is the name that feels the most warm to me, so thats what I use (page 13)." So she answers my question in the begining of her book.

Again, the society that we live in today is looking for SOMETHING. We are a culture full of broken hearts, missing peices, etc. To me this notion is dangerous. It is dangerous because of John 14:6, when Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

So when you are talking about GOD. Make sure you know who you are talking about. When you talk about a higher being, make sure it's THE One.

All in all, the movie confirmed what I thought this book was all about. A journey of a woman who set out to "find herself." Do I think she did it? Sure. For now. But what will her next book be about? And the next?

You reach fulfillment when you acknowledge the place Jesus has in your life. And LET HIM IN. That and that alone. My MySpace (oh, such old news, right?) Bio says, "I love Jesus. Then everything else in my life falls into place." There is nothing harder to decide than to decide to follow Christ and to live the life He's called you to. (It's hard. It's challenging. BUT SO REWARDING.)

Don't settle for any alternatives, friends.

Bucket Lists and Regrets

2010-08-16T23:46:00.008+02:00

I am spending time with my, always-faithful, bestest friend, Kimberly Han. I am so glad that I got to squeeze some time in with her. This is the beauty of best-friendship because we can pick up like it hasn't just been three years since we've seen each other and have intellectual, meaningful, weighted conversation. :)

A question she asked, "What is on your bucket list?"
I couldn't answer this right away.

I continued to explain why I haven't thought about making one. (First off, Kim and I are big, big advocates of planning and goal-setting. Stephen Covey would LOVE us. So this isn't an attack on goal-setting by any means.)

To me, when I look at the life I have lived, twenty three years--I am happy. If I died today, I don't think there is anything that I will look back and think, "I wish I could have done..." Everything in my life up until this point, I don't regret.

Do I have goals? Do I have aspirations? Yes... but to me, it is very easy for me to think, "If God wills it, it will happen. If He doesn't will it, who am I to argue with Him?"

I laughed at her question and my inability to simply answer the question and said, "Do you know what I do think about? I don't think about what I want to do or making bucket lists. I think about planning my funeral. It sounds morbid."

I take a lot of consideration into what I want people to feel, hear, and learn from my life. HAHHAHAHA.Que interesting.

To me, bucket lists are for lives that haven't been lived and this to do list is to make sure that life isn't wasted, or whatever. I don't feel like I've wasted anything. I have no regrets. ;)

Now I must go. Time to see STEVEN!!!!

EDIT | Added to this post on 22 August 2010

I just watched Eat, Pray, Love. And I have to say. It was pret-ty awesome sitting in a movie set in beautiful places and think, "Been there. Been there. Done that." Haha. This is why it is so hard for me to come up with a Bucket List. I have had the blessing and opporutnity to see more than my counterparts. I love it. I relish in the fact that I get to visit Italy and go to Venice for dinner.

A Bucket List implies... a fear for missing out in life. I don't think that I have missed anything. And this life is just temporary. Wait till I get to heaven!! Dance party!!!!

One Thing I Know

2010-08-15T02:50:00.004+02:00

I love him.

I'm Gonna Go ALL IN

2010-07-21T11:57:00.006+02:00

In my mind, one day, I want to be one of those radical Christians you hear about who... like sold all her stuff and walked around the world with her camera and bible and documented... the state of the American church and... a country's lost sheep. (Haha, that was a stretch, but I am trying to think on the fly here.)

But.
I tend to play it safe. Really safe.

Today a friend of mine sent me a video about how we tend to think TOO much outside the box and we don't spend enough time thinking and working inside the box for God. He talked about how he got a home run in a little league game with a bunt. And so the question is, am I satisfied with a bunt??

I struggled with it for the better part of the morning. I see that God can do so much more than I can. (But does that mean that He isn't in the little bunts in our lives? Absolutely not.) So it's been a great morning of back and forth conversations in my head.

The reason I struggle is because I like the idea of going ALL IN .

I think that a lot of Christians play it safe.

I don't want you to think that I am saying that I walk around living recklessly or anything. I don't tempt or test God. However, I do think that there is a saftey net that we set up for ourselves when we walk the tightrope God calls us to walk. I challenge you to GO ALL IN.

Photographic Wish List

2010-07-20T16:45:00.006+02:00

I was in the mood to... uh, dream ahead. Haha. I say dream, because I am very weary of making plans, haha. But I started looking at the things I WANT photographically. And I wrote it down and thought, "I am going to type it into existence."

Canon 580EXII, probably 2 of them
Canon 24-70 2.8
Canon 16-35 2.8
OR the Canon 14mm 2.8. (I am a big fan of wide angle lenses)
Canon 70-200 2.8 (not sure if I want IS or not, I am sure it'll be DJ's lens)
OR the Sigma 50-150 2.8 for DJ, he'll be shooting with a cropped sensor, so we'll see how that all goes with the focal lengths we decide to go with.
I want a 100mm Macro, I don't think I care if it is Canon, or not. Haha.
&& I really want the Canon 24 3.5 TS. I have mimicked the effect of TS lenses in my post processing, and I would LOVE to play with a TS lens.
Expodisc
Kelly Moore Bag (the Hobo one)

Oh, how cool it would be to be made of money. Haha. One day Jennifer. One day this will all be yours. Haha!! And when that one day comes I will have to have people in my life who will show me how to be BETTER than I am now. So along with this photoraphic THINGS list, I will also be including a photo workshop wish list, just because it's my blog, and I can do what I want to.

People I would LOVE to learn from one day:

Zack Arias
Zach and Jody Gray
Jose Villa
Amelia Lyon
Jasmine Star
Mark and Candice Brooke
Jeremy Cowart

I cannot wait!!! YES! ;) ;) Ok. I will go day dream now. Ta-ta for now. Something of more substance to be posted later tonight.

Thank you Jesus for the Storm

2010-07-18T09:13:00.006+02:00

Yesterday was a rough day for me. I was not myself yesterday and my mind was preoccupied and my heart was just hurting and I didn't know how to fix it. Then, around dinner time, I started to hear thunder. Then it started raining. Hard. Then it stopped. Then it started up again. And I fell asleep. Throughout the night, I'd wake up and there was flickers of lightning and it was still raining.

This morning. The sky was beautiful. It was a deep blue. The grass was still wet. All the plants were greener than they usually are. What a gorgeous day. I got on Facebook and posted this: "Dear Jesus. Thanks for giving us a storm, because the today looks AMAZINGLY beautiful." And something clicked. I was totally reminded that God has my back.

If you know me. Like really know me. Heard my story. I will tell you that I have learned a lot about suffering and character, and perseverence, and hope.

Romans 5:1-5 (Take note of 3-5)

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

In the original text, Paul writes "rejoice BECAUSE of our sufferings," not just in the midst of our sufferings. (Because really... who can do that?!) I talk a lot about how I embrace this verse, I rejoice in my sufferings... but I do it after. After I've gotten to the other side. Haha!! There are some times when I realize it half way through, and it gets me through faster. In my anger, my sadness, my insecurity--I realize, "This will build me. This will build me. God doesn't do anything in vain."

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Suffering --> Endurance

Endurance --> Character

Character --> Hope

Considering what we do to ourselves--we put on this pretty face and smile so that no one knows what is going on on the inside--I have to remind myself of verse 5, "AND HOPE DOES NOT PUT US TO SHAME." There are times when I just want to be sad. Haha. I just want to sit and reflect on what I am feeling, why I am feeling it, I want to break down and lay it all out at Jesus' feet. But, something tells me not to. Yesterday I also posted on Facebook: SOS in morse code. Haha. It was my way of saying, "Help" without really saying help.

And I am SO good at that... pretty face, pretty smile thing, that people just thought I was bored and needed something funky to post up. Haha. One person emailed just to check up, more than once. And I love that woman. She is amazing and I am so glad to have an opportunity to be a part of her life.

In Romans 1:16, Paul says, "I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes." I am NOT ashamed of what God's done in my life, or at least I shouldn't be. Hope is the thing that keeps me going. I have a hope that one day, one person will need to hear my story. Hope is what makes Christians different. I have a hope for eternity.

Romans 8:18

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Thank you Jesus for the storms in my life.

Because, as cliche as it sounds, the day after is always beautiful.

Can you lay down in the street?

2010-07-17T00:30:00.003+02:00

So. You know how photographers have a "thing"? Haha, a "style?" One of my favorite things to do is to get people to sit. And stand. Then sit. And stand. THEN here it comes, "I know it sounds weird, but can you lay down?? I know. You are in the middle of the street. Don't worry. I'll hear the car if it comes." HAHHAAH.

With that said. Here is Nicole and Caine! I shot them almost a year ago when Nicole was pregnant with Caine. Brent is deployed right now and so I got the chance to shoot his lovely wife and son yesterday!! They look so cute!! And motherhood, definitely suits Nicole well! Lookin' good girl!!!

Here are a few shots. :)

Let's overanalyze everything, shall we?

2010-07-15T08:30:00.008+02:00

So, if you know me personally you know how much I LOVE the Twilight books. It took a while for me to even admit that I wanted to read them, and when I did... I couldn't stop. And then I read them over. And over. And over again. I picked up Twilight, or Breaking Dawn every time DJ left for training, and then deployment, anytime I was alone. (I promise, I am better now. Although, I am currently skimming through Eclipse. I never touch New Moon, that book is infuriating.)

ALL THIS TO SAY: The past two days have been such a battle for me. I am going to participate in a book club with PWOC, the Women's Ministry on post and we are reading Beth Moore's So Long Insecurities. I started reading the book on Tuesday afternoon. It was like four pages in and I put the book down. I tried to pick it up again Tuesday evening. And read another page and a half. Then put it down and picked up Eclipse.

Don't laugh.
This is about to get serious, I promise. But before we get in to the heavy, here's a picture to lighten the mood.

(I really love this photo shoot with Vanity Fair. And... it was an excuse to go find a Twilight picture to stick in my blog.)

This aversion to Beth Moore isn't because I favor Twilight over self-improvement, but I am pretty sure I have some deep seated issues and insecurities. Which, to most people will sound crazy. Because they see me out and about, they'll call me confident and outspoken, but there is definitely something, I have an idea where it comes from, but I don't know why... but I think I've been trying to avoid Beth Moore because I don't want to know how much I suck. Or, even if I already know that, it really is scary to take an objective look at yourself and be asked, "Are you willing to change?"

When DJ called I told him about this book and that I was nervous about reading it and going to a book club with other women to discuss it. He simply said, "Why? Cause you are afraid of changing?"

It caught me off guard. In the first chapter, Moore calls it a blessing and a curse that her husband is so honest. I totally relate to that. DJ is honest. Brutally honest. No sugar coating what so ever. He'll just tell it as it is. Sometimes I can appreciate this, most of these times are when they are about anything else but me.

So I have about an hour before I get picked up for this book club. I should really bunker down and read the next two chapters. So far, it is pretty introductory. Defining insecurity--let me tell you this, I was not surprised by any of the things she says, I actually really relate to them.

I am starting this journey today and I hope that you will join with me. What is it in your life that you are running away from? Why? What will it take for you to confront it?

I will keep you posted. :)

PS. You wanna know how I got down to opening the book and reading it?
Playing the Twilight and New Moon Score in the background. Haha! Compromise.

AND! You know what else I realized? Why I pick up a Twilight book when DJ leaves? It's a love story. And when the hubby is gone, or when I just feel like I want to be loved some more, I read Twilight because I get to relive a romance. There are times when I really, really, want a baby, or just straight up feel lonely, then I pick up Breaking Dawn. It sounds ridiculous, but hey! It works for the most part. (And I am pretty proud of myself for admitting this to all of you.)

What was interesting about Eclipse and why it is here, now, as I try to read So Long Insecurities, is that I relate to Bella in the sense that she is always asking Edward about why he is with her. It seems unbalanced to her and she needs him to assure her (and he does) of his love for her and acknowledges her insecurities, calls her silly and oversensitive, but also provides this reassurance that she is everything, and he loves her.

Oh, Edward. Haha.
So, I think it's great supplemental reading. Or... that is what I'll tell myself.

Please, I want to be Peculiar

2010-07-14T20:50:00.010+02:00

pe·cu·liar [pi-kyool-yer]
–adjective
1. uncommon; unusual; strange; odd
2. distinctive in nature or character from others.
3. belonging characteristically (usually fol. by to )
4. belonging exclusively to some person, group, or thing

I have been thinking a lot about 1 Peter 2:9 and I wanted to blog about it for a while. I went on to Google and tried to find an image that I could pull to use for a blog post. THIS image came up from WhatisPeculiar.com. I LOVE this message!! The site doesn't seem to be active, but I love the message, I love the desire to reach a generation that does not look boring. JESUS IS NOT BORING. I love that it embraces culture and works in it and not away from it.

1 Peter 2:9
But you are a CHOSEN RACE, A ROYAL PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR GOD'S OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light

I have this vision and this passion for this "new" Christianity. This new generation of Christians who are going to love Jesus and show Jesus in a way that we haven't seen in a while. I feel like there needs to be a revival in the Church across the board. There shouldn't be a battle between denominations--Christians need to portray God's love and His image in all circumstances to all people. We should WANT to be different and WANT to stand out.

I WANT TO BE PECULIAR. I don't want to make sense to people. I want them to ask me, "What the heck is wrong with you?!" Haha!! Because I am NOT just like you. I am NOT your Average Jane. I am part of something so much better than I am alone. I am a part of a people who are called to be set apart. I am so much more because of Jesus' love for me.

However, I digress. Haha. The reason I wanted to focus on 1 Peter 2:9 is because of what I have realized about myself in recent weeks and I love it.

I am hungry for a sense of community in Christianity. When you look at the church and see bickering, boredom, mundane routine, etc. I have mentioned it a lot in conversations with Laura in the past few weeks about how I want to focus on bringing a community of Christians together to work together in changing Vicenza. I want everyone to come together as a Christian community to get people to ask, "What? What just happened?"

How do we make Christianity look appealing!?
We live VICTORIOUSLY in LOVE!!

WE are a chosen race, a royal priesthod, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession so that we can proclaim His excellencies. I want people to want to be part of the team. So we live together and work together in peace and love towards spiritual maturity and we show them that it's not about what service you go to. It's not about how many good deeds you can do. It's not based on how many services you've gone to. Or how many verses you've memorized. It is about loving your neighbor as GOD HAS LOVED US.

It is understanding God's will for His people. We are here to proclaim His excellencies, to show the line between darkness and light and we need to do it together. (Because it's plural, hahah, Tom Job said, "All y'all.")

So I am challenging you all to look at how you live together. How do you interact? Does that reflect what God will have us do? Or are we giving people a reason not to want to be a part of the team? Do we make Christianity look appealing? Or do we make it look boring? Do we make it look ordinary? What does the Church look like to you? How should it look to you? What do you want from your peers? What do you want from your elders? Pastors?

We have to STOP giving people a reason to reject Jesus.
If we acted the way we are supposed to--people would not use us as an excuse not to follow Him. If we acted the way we were supposed to people who reject Christianity are rejecting God--and cannot hide behind any excuse, but that they just don't believe.

(&& after I wrote all of this, I went to YouTube and searched 1 Peter 2:9, and look who came up?? FRANCIS CHAN!)

HAHAH, that is a hilarious moment to freeze.

When I grow up I want to be...

2010-07-12T23:01:00.012+02:00

My version of who Bianca Juarez is.

Ahhh!! So today, I found Bianca's first week of the Summer Series: The Scandalous Message of James. And I was so encouarged by what she said and inspired by how she speaks, what she speaks and the Word of God pouring out of her... I went and iStalked her on iTunes.

In my quest, I found something recent she did that was posted on Vertical Video Podcast with Nate Heitzig, Triune Purity. Ahh!! This is seriously something that I wish I could have heard when I was in high school. And you hear it in her voice, that conviction, that passion, and the truth. I am so inspired by her passion. The urgency in her voice.

Thank you Bianca for the encouragement, the boldness, and the example of what it means to truly live out the Gospel. For showing me how to walk, talk, preach and teach in the name of LOVE.

God is doing awesome things for this generation!! I have been watching a change in the wind here in the Church, all of God's Church. I am so excited to be a part of the next generation. And I say it over and over again: I am excited to be allowed to be a part of this story God is writing. I look around at the students I get the privilege to meet, enter their lives... and I freakin' love them! I don't think I tell them enough (or even at all) how excited I am for them and what they are capable of.

So everyone--let's step up, shall we?

EDIT | I am a 20-something

Today I was told that I was young. I mentioned my love and desire for youth and women's ministry and in a roundabout way, I was told, "Hold your horses, you are too young. Wisdom comes with age, and you need some more grey hairs." And went further to say that I need to make more mistakes.

While I find the statement valid, I was still frustrated.
I responded with, "I have a story. And I want to tell it. When the time is right."

I was refuted with a, "Your story has just started!"

I found myself even more frustrated. Frustrated at the fact that this person has never heard my story. Ever. They've gotten glimpses of it, and probably assume they know it, but I haven't shared that much with them yet.

It sounded like at the age of 30... I will be ready for ministry. That's when Jesus started. That is the supposed age of Timothy when Paul told him not to let anyone despise his youth. (I say 'supposed' because I have also heard 17, either way, I don't care, the fact is that he was encouraged.) And on and on I was told that I had to make mistakes, we all make mistakes in our youth. We think we know it all, we think we are mature, we don't see the need for mentors.

(Trust me. I have seen the need and have learned so much from older, wiser, more mature women of Christ.) I am young. Yes. But I still have a story to tell. I think wisdom comes with the exercising of my faith, not with the number of my age.

Thirty. That's six-seven years from now. Do I think I will be used then? Probably. Do I think I can be used now? Definitely. In the course of six to seven years a lot can and will change. But right now, in this moment--my voice, my story, my heart is to serve the military community. How I do it-- I am leaving to God. When I do it--I am leaving to God. The desire of my heart is to serve this community and God's allowed me to do it.

I was still frustrated at the end of the conversation. Even when I agreed completely with the fact that we need those mentors in our lives, we need the seasons where we sit and learn and listen, we need to be still so that God can teach us, so that we can discern what happens next. I agreed with it all, but I was still frustrated.

I did not want to be wrapped up and categorized with his story.

I've been broken down, I've been tested, I've suffered, I've rejoiced, I've learned, I've sat, I've listenend, I've been surrounded by events and people who have interacted with this story God's been writing. I take pride in my standing with Jesus--I am a daughter of God. I am called to be a saint. I am a warrior for God.

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9

The difference in mentality is that he saw his youth as a weakness, "I am still going to make mistakes."

I see God using me where I am. A 23 year-old Army wife. I am focused on the Gospel and the promises of hope and eternity. I am chosen. I am royal. I am holy... because I am God's. I am called to belong to him. I am called to be a saint. I am young, and I love it.

On my 19th birthday I got to go on a missions trip to Mexico with the church. I wasn't married to DJ yet, but his aunt and uncle were helping lead the trip down. They pulled me aside to tell me how lucky I was to have started that relationship and have that surity in Jesus at such a young age, because they didn't realize they needed him till they were 30.

I embrace my youth.
Even more so... I embrace the time God's given me to know him. To work with him.
I embrace my story.
I am not ashamed.
I AM NOT ASHAMED.

Club Be-Awesome!!

2010-07-11T11:44:00.010+02:00

Haha!! I love blog titles because I can make them as cheesy as I want and you still have to read them to get to the pictures. Haha! (PS. Do you all reamember the hamster scene in Bolt? BEYOND AWESOME!! ;) ;) Hahahahaaaaa.)

Today I had to say goodbye to my Beer Family. It wasn't as sad as I would have expected. Katie said something pretty awesome, "It doesn't feel final, so I am sure we'll see each other again." I love it. We all have a hope that we will get back together and do GREAT things for God because these friendships and these lessons-learned are not for naught. :) So see you later Beers! Have a great time in Nice, France!!

Today as I saw them leave, in my mind, I went through the catalogue of people I DO have in my life. And I really wanted to take today to share about my Dream Team this summer!! Laura is my Community Director and Jessica is our Summer Intern for Club Beyond. I have loved spending the past few months with Laura and to spend Beach Break working together with our students. They've taught me so much about servanthood and relationships.

I definitely believe in this ministry. I have no idea what to do outside of a military community. And even more than that--I am so excited to be the next generation of Christians who will rise up and take our place. And to me, youth ministry is a place where we can pray for and encourage the generation that follows us. (I guess it's the natural teacher in me.) But I love that God allows and enables us the opportunity to be a part of people's lives, especially young adults, who will be my future--the future.

I am so excited to see what God will do with all of us. How he will use each of our students. How he will continue to let us work in his fields. How he will... just be God, do his thing. :) :)

We got to decompress in Austria for a few days after 2 weeks of Beach Break. I loved being able to just sit and relax and get to know the girls more. God is so good and it is so amazing to have friends who love Jesus and when we get together, we can just be happy. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the time. And just attribute it all to God.

I am so glad that Elizabeth chose Austria as our place for rest. We got a cablecar to go up the mountain and really--all Creation totally screams how awesome God is. I feel so small in comparision. And in all my--humanity, in my failures, in my weakness, as small as I am--the truth is that God loves me so much more than all of Creation. He loves me so much more than the flowers we admire. He loves me so much more than the cows we pass by. He did it ALL FOR US.

It's absolutely amazing. Enough said.

EDIT | PRAYER REQUEST PLEASE
We are praying that God raises male leaders for our boys. We have such a hope for a thriving group of students who will really revloutionize their school this year and I know that I have looked at this summer as a traning period, a time where God is going to pour out so much into our students--to prepare them for battle--to get them ready for the next school year. And our boys are in such need of committed leaders whose hearts are to edify and encourage them. My heart breaks because DJ isn't around for THEM. Anyone!! For that matter!!

Lord. I pray for a man/men who have a loving heart that desires to raise up and train the next generation of leaders. I pray that they love students, want to teach, grow, and encouarge them. I pray that whoever it is that you send us--will love you and want to do your work. Lord give us a spiritual leader.

In your Son's name I pray. AMEN.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

2010-07-11T01:24:00.015+02:00

Haha! My blog has nothing to do with that song. LOL, but it seemed appropriate since TODAY was the day that I got to go see Eclipse with Cheron!! This was a long time coming for the two of us. This was our reason for summer. This is what we've been waiting for--and it came and went. And I walked away totally encouraged and totally in love with my friend, Cheron. :)

Cheron is extremely crafty and she made us some Eclipse presents!! MY NECKLACE WAS WAY BETTER THAN ALL YOUR TEAM EDWARD/ TEAM JACOB SHIRTS!! (I have to admit, I was a little bit jealous and I felt left out that I didn't have a cool shirt to wear.) However, my shirt would have said something like, "Bella. You are an IDIOT. Just sayin." Haha!!

Check it out!!

Isn't it WONDERFUL! Isn't she just awesome! The little note says, "Look after my heart, I have left it with you." (Note from Edward to Bella.) ;) I love having friends who I can relate to, who I can talk to, gush about things like Twilight to, and still bunker down and be real with each other. LOVE it!!

Thank you Cheron!!

PS. DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS MOVIE
I had to come back and edit the post to add on about what I thought about the movie. It was great. (In all honesty, to me, the movies can only go UP. I hated Twilight, hated New Moon less... so Eclipse was good. I am now super, super excited and intrigued to see how they are going to keep Breaking Dawn PG-13 for their audiences. Duh, duh duhmmm.)

Anyway, the movie made Edward look like a jerk, but in the book--he is obviously the bigger man. (Figuratively, haha.)

And... I am still. Very. Anti-Jacob Black. Haha.

Facebook Debate?

2010-07-06T17:52:00.008+02:00

So I just wanted to share this. Haha. Because I have definitely found this new... excitement about who Jesus is in my life and what it means to be his daughter. I am reading this book called Champagne for the Soul by Mike Mason and it is amazing. Short, sweet, to the point.

The question he poses in the beginning of this 90 say experiment in joy is this:
If you don't have joy. Ask yourself, what is it that you don't believe about God. (Which I put up as a Status Update on FB this morning.)

Then I was asked, "So... when Christ was sorrowful, or was deeply trouble.. what did he not believe about God?"

Then I answered, "Joy is a constant. Jesus was 'a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering' (Is. 53:3). Does that mean that he wasn't joyful? Did he not rejoice? Of course he did.

Joy is something that kind of lives and breathes brokenness, chaos, darkness.

Joy does not disappear in times of fear. It feeds from it. It is resilient.

Do I believe that Jesus loves me and died for me on the cross. Yes. I have joy in that. Do I rejoice in my sufferings, for sure. Why? Because joy is what is commanded of me. Joy is all I CAN feel in light of what God's given me.

Even in the crap of my life. I can be joyful.

In our sorrow and in our brokenness--I still have joy in the mercy and grace of God and the shed blood of Jesus.

(You should read this book.)

If I didn't have joy. I would be saying that what Jesus did. What God gave me... isn't worthy of the response of joy."

Then they said, "Opinions are opinions."

And I said, "And I am the one who undoubtedly has joy in my life. You can do with it what you want. I know that I have joy & I love it. :)"

To me. It's kind of like... HOW CAN YOU NOT REJOICE!? God is so good. God is so pure.
And honorable. And loving. And merciful. And patient.

AH! God is soooo good.

&& Because posts are better with pictures. These are two shoots that I got to do and really--I felt so happy when I shot them because the girls are so adorably cute and the couple is so in love. :) So cute!!

I feel like crap & God is still good

2010-07-03T17:40:00.008+02:00

Middle School week is now over. Man. God is good. He is faithful. He is the best planner, author, coordinator ever!! I feel, again, like I have such a privilege and an honor to be a part of this ministry.

Middle School is my 'room for improvement' age group because it is harder for me to relate. It is interesting to see the shift in society from where I was and what was acceptable then, to where students are now. It's a little scary.

Here are some pictures of our Girl's Small Group. :)

It was so amazing to get to know the Head Leaders some more and really have that sense of community with each other the second week. We were back for round two together, we were tired, we were getting sick. It was so cool to see how it was GOD empowering us to do it all and nothing of our own strength.

Below are pictures of: Corn and his wife Joanna, Kristy, a head leader, and Ryan, camp musician. And shots from our last day at the beach, right before the plague of the mosquitos. It was so cool. For 15 minutes, middle schoolers sat still and wrote letters to God.

(A side note, I also got to use a 17-35/2.8 for these shots. I was pretty excited!! Thanks to Robert for letting me use it!! Seriously, photographers are the coolest people, we just share. It's an amazing community, where I feel comfortable giving up my 5DMKII for a day, and he let's me take his 17-35 for a day...and a half. Haha.)

And here are some shots from Cinque Terre! The first one is of City 2, Manarola, and the second shot is from City 4, Vernazza. Where I also picked up some artwork for the house, which is pretty awesome--and where there is the BEST pizza I've had in Italy, or the world, thus far. I love it. Amazing crispy center, and fluffy crust. Delicious.

Who doesn't love Beer?

2010-06-27T22:30:00.007+02:00

Meet my Six Pack of Beer: Brian, Judy, Katie, Claire, Mary and Johnny Beer. They are from Michigan and they are standing in as the... caretakers of the Hospitality House here in Vicenza. What a BLESSING they have been! I am so excited that I got to get to know them and be a part of their lives, and that they got to be a part of mine. Amazing family. They give me so much hope and such a great example of family done right. ;)

Everyone who encounters the Beers falls in love with them and they are just--amazing God-loving people. And super talented! Katie and Claire play piano, Swing dance, sing... Mary is an amazing dancer, Johnny is so full of energy and he just lights up a room, Judy and Brian are--ugh, you look at them, then look at their kids and think, "THEY CREATED THIS!? They raised and cultivated all of this!?" It's really mind blowing.

Judy home-school(s)(ed) all four kids and it has really given me a whole new outlook and perspective on how I want to raise my non-existent, but promised, children. Haha. I cannot wait.

I think Judy and Brian should right a book on Life. I would read it. Over and over. And over again.

Here they are...!!

We went to Venezia! After a long, long, trying day. God gave us an adventure this day, but if I had to experience crazy God sighting, I am glad it was with the Beers and not by myself. Haha.

But we made it to Venice.

I feel so bad. I am so bored with Venice, all my pictures look exactly the same when I go to Venice. So someone give me a challenge for the next time I go down there... hmm... gears turning.

I will be out and about for another week of Beach Break! I am so excited to see what God will do with the Middle Schoolers this week. Keep them in your prayers!!

The Privilege

2010-06-25T23:59:00.016+02:00

So. I've been gone for a week!! Where, you ask!? Camp Darby, down south with Club Beyond! It was so amazing to be a part of God's purpose. A few months ago, I was listening as someone told me this truth: GOD DOESN'T HAVE TO USE US. He can do things all on His own. But he allows us the privilege and the honor to work for Him and to serve Him. I am so grateful for that small role in the big scheme of things.

There is so much to talk about and gush over, but I just want to take the time to thank each and every one of the students who went to Beach Break this week: Maya Swinehart, Katie McKeever, Maya Zaborek, Raven and Megan Espinoza, Brenda Sanchez, Asya Miller, Oliana Reyter, Anna Meyers, Tori Werner, Sierra George, Arden and Tyler Holderby, Saige and Shane Martinez, Jarra and Nathan Woods, Brian Johnston, Earl Denmon, Jose Echieveria, Eddie Ramos, Ramsey Marsee, and Nick Angyal.

I have never had a Youth Group experience because I was saved as a senior in high school and that was pretty much it. Haha. I didn't have the opportunity to hear the Gospel the way that these kids got to. I got to open up and make myself vulnerable to reveal what God has done in my life, my failures, my fears, and my faults all laid out in front of a few students. It was so weird because sometimes I have to play teacher with them. So breaking down my walls and barriers was so important to me.

I've never sang so much in my life. Haha.

God--I am so glad to have been invited to the party. I am so glad I get to call Jesus, my Lord. I got to see Him work and the way He softens hearts. '

I will leave it at that for tonight. We are going back on Monday to do it all over again with our Middle Schoolers--till then, please pray for the Young Life Work Crew, for the High Schoolers who just got back home, that they find encouragement in the overflowing love Jesus has for them, that they know that they are a new creation, with a new purpose. Pray for the Middle Schoolers, that their hearts are prepared for what God can, and will do next week. Pray for the leaders, who are driving up to places like Germany tonight to pick up kids and hop right back on the bus and come back with a new batch of kids.

And pray for the soldiers deployed to war. Their families are here at home while they fight a war. I ask for a specific pray for the soldiers of the 173rd ABCT. I really, really, just want to ask that they are really good at what they do, and that God's watching over them all. I pray that His glory is shown when Christians can be a light in such a dark place.

:) That's it. I think. More later, I promise.

Special thanks to:
Military Communities Youth Ministries & Club Beyond- the reason I got to go
Young Life- the program team and work crew
Cornelius Williams- the camp speaker
Ryan Horne- the worship leader

We had a County Fair and the students got to pie us in the face if they got enough tickets. I got pied TWICE. Haha. "Just means they love you," Laura says. Haha!

I also learned a NEW worship song this week! I love it!! I love that God has the time to listen to me. :)
God bless you guys!! I am praying for a revival for the Vicenza Community and for the entire Church--I feel it. I feel something big coming. God is soooooo good at writing stories!!!

THE RACE!!!

2010-06-15T00:04:00.008+02:00

I cannot wait for this event!!! Come by students!! We are going to have LOTS of fun!! Watch the video here. Two teams. Five weeks of physical competition. We get points based on the games and team spirit.

AH! I am so excited!!! Can't wait! We kick off Wednesday, June 28!! Pick up Registration packets at the Luau Wednesday after school!

&& One of my overused quotes, haha!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:1-2, NIV)

In the Mood for Christmas

2010-06-10T13:04:00.005+02:00

Christmas?
This week I have been so encouraged. I all the sudden felt the need to celebrate Christmas. Haha. I want mas ('more' in Espanol) of Christ. ;) Por favor. I just want the world to look around today and think about how awesome God is. How good Jesus is. I had a student ask today, "So... Jesus' only purpose was to come here and die for us?" --Yep. "That sucks." --Not for us!

Yes. Jesus, from before the foundation of the Earth was always intended to come and die for our sins and take our place on the Cross. Why??

Because we suck. We sin. We are selfish. We do our thing without any regard to what it means. But God is merciful, patient, loving, and kind and is waiting for us to come to our senses. Haha!! I just want more and more of Christ. I want the world to pay more attention.

BREAK IT DOWN.
This week I got to talk about why/how we are the salt and light of the world. Something happened in today's Christianity that we throw out all these 'Christian terms' that don't have that much weight anymore. People either assume they know what it means, or they don't care to know what we are talking about.

This is why I love working in youth ministry.

When I was a teenager, I as overly opinionated. I asked a lot of questions, most of the time just to stump people and prove that I was right. Haha!! Working with my students now, I get to be on the opposite end. I get to answer questions and I have to do it in a way that leaves no question unanswered, no stone unturned and do it in a way that they understand fully--who Jesus is. No big words. No overused Christian vocabulary. Just real, true, love.

For me there is a big contrast in the way other Christians talk and the way I talk. (Haha!) I hope that my audience can take me seriously when I say, "Jesus has my back" Sometimes I wonder if I am taking myself seriously enough. Or if my students take me seriously. I hope so. Because I don't want to prove anything other than God's love and Jesus' sacrifice and our role in the grand scheme of things. I just say what I know.

CLAYTON'S STORY.
Last year, I watched this video. I learned about Clayton McDonald and what he did for a generation. It gets me every time I push play. His example--a type of Timothy, someone that wasn't scared to stand up and talk. To stand up and tell it how it is, and just love.

I've learned to never shut up. Clayton taught me that I may know where I am going when I die, but there are lots and lots of people who haven't given it a thought, who don't know. Or even think they know.

I would not want to live through my life and let the opportunity to talk about Jesus and the beauty of hope. (I can't wait to meet him in heaven and tell him, 'You rock. &&Thanks.')

Just watch it.
Pray about it.
And let's revolutionize the way we love. The way we walk. The way we talk. The way we preach. Just... the way we live.

Clayton McDonald | Highlife | Nov. 5, 2008 from Atascadero Bible Church on Vimeo.

Clayton's Story from Jacob Lewis on Vimeo.

Confessions of a Photo Newb: Branding

2010-05-31T10:35:00.007+02:00

I have a multi-faceted purpose for this discussion. So please bear with me. The biggest moitivation to 'confess' is so that someone else who may come across this, a fellow newb, they could find it useful.

Branding & Website: I've probably changed my watermarks, my logos, my website look and feel... like five-six times in the past year and a half. I havent' found anything that I am absolutely in LOVE with. I have felt inconsistent and... kind of thinking, "If I don't take my brand seriously, my viewers won't either!" So I sat down for... a good six months just thinking about what I wanted to offer, what I wanted to portray, and the character I was putting out into the world.

I asked Becker on AskDane, if his brand stayed true to his first vision, or if it had evolved. I am SO glad to hear that it was an evolution. Because... I have felt like... maybe I am not as committed to this biz because I haven't made a decision I could stick with. (Haha, is my logic clear here, or was it just me?)

I read books. Crush It by Gary Vaynerchuk, Six Pixels of Separation by Mitch Joel, and I am currently reading Linchpin by Seth Godin. Talk about inspiration.

Personal Brand: More than a logo. More than a website. More than the look and feel. It's all about who you are and what you bring to the table. When I say Jessica Claire, what do you think of? SHOOTSAC! Wear your lenses! (Not like I've ever met her, but I would venture out to say, she probably has an awesome shoe collection, because she is thinking about girls like me who are tired of that bulky black camera bag.)

I changed my 'look' and 'logo' so much because I was so focused on what I wanted to LOOK like to people. It wasn't until recently that I thought about what I wanted to OFFER people. What I bring to the table that sets me apart from others.

My Mission: For half a year I stopped taking clients and stopped promoting myself because I knew that I wanted to offer more, and much, much better. I knew that i hadn't invested my time in refining my craft and understanding the industry.

I initially did a VLOG about it..

My Brand: I hope that potential clients see honesty, integrity, and passion in my work. That they see I didn't just pick up a camera and called myself a photographer. Abigail Adams said, "Learning isn't attained by chance. It is sought for with great ardor and dilligence." I hope that I have lived that.

Fellow Newbies, take a look at yourselves and your motives. Look at what you want to offer the world. Don't bank on your talent and forget about the ardor and dilligence that goes into the equation too. Develop a personal brand that you are proud of. Remember that it is a process, you can evolve.

Well this has been long. But I did say 'confessions.'

Have a blessed day everyone!!!

Let me know some of your confessions, mistakes as a newb, lessons learned, etc.

Let the Worship Rise

2010-05-30T22:04:00.017+02:00

"My heart is steadfast, O God! I will sing and make melody with all my being! Awake, o harp and lyre! I will awake the dawn! I will give thanks to you, O LORD, among the peoples; I will sing praises to you among the nations."
(Psalm 108: 1-3)

I love that Psalm 108 shows how excited King David is about God. Look at the (!!) and that he wants to tell the world with his thanks to God. There are times when I am reading through the Psalms and my heart jumps because it amazes me that someone could love God so much. (So much that they wouldn't shut up. Hah! There are 150 Psalms!!)

I learned a new worship song recently. Hallelujah, by Lenny Leblanc. We sang it a lot during the conference in Germany. I'd never heard it, I couldn't find it, and now that I have, I haven't stopped listening to it. I love the words in the song.

"Let the worship rise from deep within, the sanctuary sing, Hallelujah. Hear the praises from the grateful ones, rescued from the flames. The song of those unchained, for the glory of your name." Hallelujah means PRAISE YAHWEH. I have learned a new spirit of praise and worship in my last year of existence. Paul reminds us over and over in his letters that we are to rejoice in all circumstances. He talks a lot about his sufferings and his obstacles in getting the gospel to the Gentiles. And still he praised God for the life set before him.

And when I think about it. I sit back and think about Jesus dying just to save me. Me. A nothing. A human. One human. And to imagine the insult, the pain, the agony...that he felt when he was mocked, beaten, and crucified--all for me. I have nothing else to say, but Hallelujah.

Praise God for the death He died so that I could have mine.

&& What am I doing with it? If I am not spending it in worship and praise to glorify His name, His kingdom, then to me, it would seem pretty pointless. I recently asked some of my students the question, "What is our purpose in life?" I got answers like, "To enjoy life. To find a purpose. To find meaning. To set goals." Those are the kinds of answers I got. No one had anything more concrete. I'm not sure whether I wanted to laugh, stick my tongue out and yell, "Suckkkerrr. I know mine!" Or feel totally heartbroken and cry and yell, "HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE OUR PURPOSE!?"

I hope that in everything I do, the motives come from a pure heart and clear intentions on the building up of God's kingdom. I want people to see Christ in His creation, in me, in my actions, in my aspirations, in my words, in everything. I was rescued from a life of meaninless, aimless wandering, uncertainty.

But I will sing forever, Hallelujah. Because my God loved me enough. Because my Jesus found me worthy. And because the Spirit works in the world around me to remind me constantly of God's promises.

What is your purpose in life? In what ways can you worship God in your daily life?? How are you reminded of His love? Your child's face? A song on the radio? A book? A movie? A loyal pet? A moving story?

I see a Generation

2010-05-29T15:14:00.015+02:00

Last night at the Hospitality House, we sang Hosanna for worship. Then I remembered that two weeks ago we sang the same song and it really hit me in the heart.

"I see a generation, rising up to take their place, with selfless faith. I see a near revivial, stirring as we pray and seek, we're on our knees."

I love these lines. I am not sure what makes them so special to me. It could be the 'teacher' in me that wants to foster the next generation to take its place. I also feel this stirring in our community. I am really looking forward to this summer, setting down foundations and just waiting to see what the Spirit does at the school next year.

And then I look at my peeps. The Twenty-Somethings of the Kingdom and where we are headed and what we are called to do, or be. I love it. I use to sit around and just think about when I could step up and do more, be more, serve more. And yesterday, I realized that serving God is a 24/7 thing. Someone said, "When God opens the door, I will walk through them and serve wherever he allows." And I got it. I've heard it before, but this time hearing it irked me.

Yes, I believe the opportunities we are given are doors that God opens to walk through one or another, but service to God, to me should be, and is a round-the-clock thing. There isn't a door that we have to wait to open to just live, breathe, talk, act, all to show the world that I love Jesus. I just am. I just do. And it is all in preparation for the time that it is time for me to take my place.

My prayer is that the entire kingdom of God is praying for a revival.

New Steam

2010-05-28T23:42:00.026+02:00

So. Failure on my part to blog.
When I got my new brick-of-a-camera. I wanted to blog more. I guess showcase my photography by posting more up. And I have failed. A friend told me today that sometimes we think that events in our lives are not blog-worthy because it's just everyday life for us. True. Story. But I want to write more, post more, shoot more. So this is my declaration. We are moving forward with this blog and I will try my best to keep it posted. :)

A few new adventures...

A new camera. With the extra money we got for my sponsoring the cheer team, DJ told me to buy the Canon 5DMKII. I hate to spend that much money on anything, but I got it for a really good deal, from a [b] Schooler who was switing to Nikon. Haha!! When I got the camera I carried it everywhere and I wanted to shoot more so I could post more, but I didn't find that anything I was doing was worth taking pictures of to post. I would shoot just to shoot, but I really felt like, I needed to do MORE. (Hence this declaration for more steam.) I will wrap my head around a new creative eye in which I see my world, so wish me luck in sticking to it.

I love my new camera. Love it. And I love that my husband told me to buy it. Hahah.
I was a bit irked when people started to say, "You're pictures are so good, that's a great camera." I would smile and think, "Uh, so all my past work hasn't been good!? Yeah right! I rocked that xTi!!" Haha, but really, I think that talent comes from the shooter, not the camera, software, or anything other than vision. Trust me, I've taken some terrible pictures with this 'good' camera.

(Although, I'd have to admit that post-production goes by a lot faster now.)

New CDs and packaging. Thank you to the talented and beautiful Promise Tangeman for her DIY post for CD packaging. I love the organic look and feel of my new CD packaging. I am working on some labels soon for the CDs, but you get the point. I am not deviating from the feathers and Arial. Haha. I love it and I can't wait to start passing them out!!

New outlook on God's word. This is a picture of Tom Job. He was our guest speaker for the Club Beyoyond conference I attended this month. Amazing man of God. When they introduced him they said, "When this man opens his mouth, joy just oozes out." I was sitting there thinking, "What does that sound like." And when he got up there and put his hands on his hips like Superman and smiled... and told us how excited he was to be in Germany with us... I understood completely.

He recommended a book by Mike Mason, Champange for the Soul, and I ordered it on Amazon that night, and I recieved it this week, so far I am LOVING it. It's supposed to be a 90 day experience, but I've tried to sneak a few in a day, but I just have to stop and put it down because it forces me to look and evaluate my life and where I place importance. So I am totally falling in love with the fact that God gives me JOY. :)

His tip: Every morning, open up the Word and when you read find 5 things to be thankful for in what you read. Keep reading till you find 5. Love it! Must try. Must do.

Here am I. Send me.

2010-05-15T08:06:00.004+02:00

A few weeks ago, during a Club Talk with the kids. We were talking about Jesus as a servant. Isaiah came up and I asked the question, "What kind of faith does it take to say, "Here am I, send me?" No questions asked. Not knowing what it was. You just knew that God called you and told you to go somewhere, do something, anything...

A lot of them admitted that they didn't know that kind of faith. (They also shared that they don't volunteer without knowing what the action is in Club, because... we often make them get their faces dirty--with chocolate, whipped cream, etc. Haha!)

Do I have that kind of faith!? Or do I asked God questions first?? Do I set expectations and stipulations on God to meet before I serve? What hesitations do I have in serving God WHOLEHEARTEDLY?? Whole-bodily? With everything? In everything?

Being here at a conference with all of these missionaries has really shown me that kind of faith. It's amazing. I am in a different boat. I am working with Club Beyond, and I never had to raise support, I didn't have to prayerfully wait for the finances to get to Italy... I am just here. I just happen to be in a place where they were looking for someone to step in to help out for a short while. I am so grateful for it! I love learning.

Lord, I LOVE to learn more about your character. Thank you for showing me your truth. Revealing your face. Allowing me to hear your voice. Opening my heart to your love. Thank you for the reality of your presence.

My Mom-in-Love

2010-05-09T09:00:00.001+02:00

I am waiting for it to turn midnight in California so I can post this. I think I've got about an hour.

I want to talk about my Mom-in-Love, Linda Mendez. (Mom-in-Love because... she's my mom because I love her son. LOL. Not just because I am bound by law to him... haha! And vice versa, I am her Daughter-in-Love.)

Some Reasons Why I Love Her...

She raised DJ. She put up with DJ. (LOL) She encourages DJ. She loves him muchos. And they are so alike. That's why they butt heads so much. (Haha!) On our trip to Rome, DJ and his mom went to the bathroom and Chris and I sat at the table and looked at each other. *Sigh* is all we could do. Hahah. "She's your wife," I said. "He's your husband," he replied. Haha!!
On that note, she also raised Ruben and Manny, and I like them too. So. Good job.
When I became a Daughter-in-Love, she gave me a Better Home and Gardens Cookbook.
Her Servant's Heart. You should see how she caters to her boys, especially when they are all in California. Haha. Or her Grandbabies. Or the Women's Ministry. (:
When she plays Wii Fit, she squeels like a little girl. Haha!!
She likes roller coasters. I'd love her more... if she would take me place on them, so I wouldn't have to go. Haha. But this definitely shows you her adventurous nature.
She likes to dance. && Her and her sisters sang 'We are Family' at Aunty Lisa and Jerry's 'We are married reveal.' && Last, last, last Christmas, they called Manny up in Oregon and serenaded him with 'Feliz Navidad.' HAHHAHA.
She loves my dog, Tank. And worries when he's sick.
She prays.
She sends me bible studies from the church on CDs.
Last, last Christmas, while DJ was deployed, we were sitting in the sanctuary and Pastor Raul gets up to talk about how there was one Christmas how he was in Vietnam on the hill, in his tent alone, and how lonely it felt. Linda and I looked at each other and started tearing up. But she didn't hug me because I'd told her whenever she hugged me (in 'DJ' moments like this) it made me cry because... I don't know why, like someone acknowledging that it hurts that DJ's gone... makes it more real? Rather than my just telling people, "I'm doing fine." But when they hug you. LOL. (I hugged her anyway.)
She taught me how to make enchiladas, Spanish Rice, carnitas, and God's Granola.
Her laugh. When something is really funny when she laughs her eyes like squint and her mouth opens and you can tell.. it's really funny. Sometimes she even doubles over. When it's not really funny, her eyes don't close. She just either... doesn't get it, or doesn't think you are funny. Hahah!! (Now everyone is going to watch to see which laugh it is.)
She NEVER remembers any movies!! Living with DJ, someone who can replay an entire movie for me... it is refreshing and hilarious that she doesn't remember anything. Once, at the dinner table we were talking about some movie and Cat (my Middle Sister-in-Love) said something like, "Don't give it all away for her." I said, "She won't remember anyway." Cat was like, "Jenn!!" And Linda laughed and defended my honor. I can joke like that and be mean to her because I am like one of her sons. One of her own who can mock and laugh at her expense. LOL, just kidding!!!!! But seriously... we're close. Like this. *Crosses fingers.
When I make something she likes, she says, "This is GOOD." Emphasis on the 'good.' (You have to hear her say it...)
We open presents on Christmas Eve.
She's a good gift giver. She REALLY KNOWS who I am.
She loves me. (: You know in the movies, and... in real life? How people HATE their in-laws?! That's craziness!! I love that we love each other. && That she's made me feel like one of her own.

Thank you Mom for doing what you do. For your encouragement. For your prayers. For your love. I love and appreciate you so, so, very much. I miss you too!!!

Praise God

2010-04-25T17:34:00.003+02:00

Today I am grateful for...

+ Beautiful, sunny, breezy days
+ Podcast Bible studies
+ Window screens
+ iWeb (Haha! It's a love-hate relationship.)
+ MPS mail system
+ Amazing clients
+ Amazing mentors!!
+ Karen Hampton--she keeps me rooted in God's word and how He calls us to live.
+ Movies with weddings in them. Totally fun. HAHAHA. (Recent one: When In Rome)
+ Yahoo Messenger because I get to talk to my dad, and bestie, Bliss. LOL

A Purpose Driven Life

2010-04-19T18:04:00.013+02:00

I read The Purpose Driven life back in 2005, when I first acknowledged the need for Jesus in my life. My favorite part of the entire thing was in the end, you got to write a "Life Purpose Statement." You get to 'declare your major' in life. (Haha!) I was going to reread the entire book, but I started flipping through it and decided to just skim through it.

Rick Warren suggests that most people struggle with three basic issues: identity, importance, and impact. Who am I? Do I matter? What is my place in life?

Of the three, I think I've struggled with the third most of all. I am pretty sure I've always had a strong sense of self, I know that my life and what I do is important, to someone, somewhere, but the... impact. The impact is where I always question myself. What is my place in life?

I am dealing with the question now.

I am at a place where I am deciding what to do in the future. Where to finish college, what major, what career to pursue, etc. It's very strange, that there is such a debate going on in my mind.

On the one hand, all I want to do is teach God's word. I want to raise babies and teach God's word to women. How do I do that!? Just do it, right Nike? Haha.

Then there is what I've been trained for, what I've been conditioned for, I need to get a degree in something that will lead to a lucrative career, and I should work, make money and save money, be financially secure, etc.

Is it wrong for me to simply say, "I don't care?"

Matthew 6:33 says, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

I truly believe that DJ and I can be blessed either way, whether I become a teacher, join the Air Force, just just sit at home--if we seek His will and prioritize His purpose first, we will be blessed. So what do I do? I want to just trust God.

It's just a very entertaining debate between what the world has told me to hold in high regard, and what I feel like the Word of God has told me to hold in high regard.

Interesting.

What are your struggles with what the world has told you to believe?

&& Because a post is always better with something to look at. This is the sky in Germany. I love sights like this because--how can you deny that God exists!? Beautiful.

Pictures like this make really... renew my sense of hope and enjoyment in the security of my future. ;)

Praise God

2010-04-18T23:28:00.005+02:00

Today I am grateful for:

+ Crema Catalana. (Creme Brulee)
+ Pslam 91. Reminds me that God's got DJ's back.
+ The internet.
+ How Lucy has matured and learned how to hold it. LOL.
+ The Hospitality House.
+ The very fact that I have 5 bibles in my house.
+ The way my parents raised me.
+ My in-laws.
+ My straight hair. (It's a hot commodity for all the curly-haired.)
+ The Army (Yeah, it sucks some days, but without it, I wouldn't be who I am and where I am today.)

Neighborhood watch?

2010-04-15T12:42:00.008+02:00

So I was online talking to my brother-in-law and I got a Skype message. Skype SPAM! (I HATE Skype Spam!) And I usually don't think anything of it, it's always an invitation to go see sexy pictures and webcams. This, however, THIS made me so mad. Because I take marriage SO seriously. (I am marriage's biggest cheearleader.)

What kind of world is this becoming?? I know it gets worse, I know it could be worse. I remember back in California, we went to Hollywood to eat some Roscoes and there was a billboard that made me do a double take, "Life's shrot. Have an affair." ARE YOU SERIOUS?! It kills me. KILLS me to see people around me complain, and cry, and leave their marriages because it wasn't what they envisioned, or what they wanted. As a military wife, we see SO MUCH marital drama. I've gone through marital drama! But the difference between the two was: Jesus.

My marriage and the decisions that we make are not fueled by what we envision for our marriage. Because what GOD envisions for our marriage is so much more than what we could want. I kind of feel like I am talking these big Christian phrases and no one will take me seriously, or maybe they think I take it too seriosuly?

But my response: I DON'T CARE. Someone has to start caring, someone needs to start standing up for marriage. When there is crime in the area, neighbors get together and start watching each other's backs, posessions, etc. I want to start a neighborhood watch for marriage!!

Author Gary Thomas poses this qusetion, "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy??" Not to say that marriage doesn't make us happy, but the ultimate goal is to be holy, happiness is just a byproduct. What are some examples of being holy?? Unconditional love. Unconditional RESPECT. (Oh, whoa, whoa, ladies, can we say that we respect our men unconditionally!? Nuts!) True forgiveness. Fidelity. Financial trust in God. Provision.

The relationship of a husband and wife is the same as the relationship Jesus has with the church. Would it be fair to say that our marriages reflect where we are in our relationship with God?! I could confess to that. The times when I felt sad, neglected, alone, etc. those were the times when I realized that THAT is what JESUS felt about ME. When I was pining after DJ's presence in my life (but the Army wanted him elsewhere), Jesus was yearning for fellowship with ME. When I asked angrily, "What about me!?!" Jesus cried out to ME!

When I refuse to offer up my respect to DJ. I refuse it to Jesus. When I roll my eyes in annoyance... I am rollng my eyes to God's command for 'wives to respect your husbands.' When I come up with excuses for my behavior, when I try to justify why I just said what I said to DJ, I am trying to reason with God, "I know it's wrong, but you didn't hear how he..." There are no BUTS in Christ.

Forgiveness! ONE of my biggest issues, and DJ said something that convicted me, he asked, "Why do you dwell on all the negative things? Stop living in the past, stop bringing all the bad things back. Jesus won't bring it back up." SO CONVICTING. Women, we do these things!! Haha!! We have amazing memories. And we can keep lists, long, long lists of "You should have done...Remember when you...That one tme you..." 1) Have you forgiven him? 2) When you did, do you continue to bring it back up!? Because that's not true forgiveness. Trust me, this is something that I have struggled with. Now that DJ is in Afghanistan... the opportunity to slip back into that habit is limited, but I am praying that I can CHANGE that, I can learn and practice REAL and TRUE forgiveness.

In our everyday life ladies... how can we learn to be Excellent Wives*? How can we be that 'virtuous wife' that Proverbs 31 speaks of? How do we live a life according to our calling to be saints?

Notice that I did not ask, "How can we change our husbands?" I cannot do anything to change my husband, and it's not my place to. Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to convict, to move, to work in our lives--and so the Holy Spirit will take care of it, my call is to be a saint, to belong to Jesus Christ. I am to obey God's statutes, live the Gospel.

Matthew 7:1-5, "Why do you notice the speck in your brother's eye when you've got a log in your own eye!? ...First take the log out of your own eye so you can see clearly the speck in your brother's." (That was my paraphrase, please go and keep me in check.) We have logs. Giant logs. And we should be concerned about that. YOUR log. What are your logs? How can we get rid of them??

*The Excellent Wife is a great book to pick up. It is a biblical view on the role of the Wife in a marriage. I read it maybe a month into dating DJ. (Because when I asked him in week 3 what his intentions were for us he answered, "I want to be your first love and your last love. Whether that means now till forever, or if that means now and later on, I am going to be yours. And you're going to be mine." Whoa. Right!? Haha, my mind was blown, this boy is nuts! Haha!! But I wanted to know what that meant, I picked up this book, just becaues it was red... and it seemed interesting, I thought, "I want to be a good Christian girlfirend. So... a good girlfriend is a wife! LOL! HAHAH, I know, I don't understand the logic either, but... hey, I married the man, and here we are! Haha.)

Let's start a neighbor hood watch for our marriages. Keep each other encouraged. Keep each other accountable to the Word of God. Keep each other focused on the race: Jesus.

Excuse me. Can you please STOP dissing my God?

2010-04-14T10:58:00.006+02:00

"Can you honestly say Jesus Christ is your LORD? That you are his servant?"
--OR ARE YOU A LIAR??

I am listening to an older podcast from Cornerstone Simi Valley and Francis Chan is asking this question. THE question. And doens't it sound like one of those questions you've heard so many times?? And the answer is either: "Yeah, obviously." Or, "No, I don't believe in Jesus."

At last week's Club Beyond talk, a student was asking about respect and how hard it was to respect someone who didn't respect you, I blurted out, "Then you pray about it and Jesus will take care of it, he can change your heart." And he turned and looked at his friend, laughed and muttered, "I don't believe in Jesus." And laughed a laugh that was like, "What's he got to do with it anyway?

I was SO angry.
(Then sad.)

I am not mad when people don't acknowledge Jesus as their LORD. I am mad and offended when people think that MY LORD and MY GOD is not capable of changing such small and minute things. When people take it out of GOD's hands and into their own, and they say things like, "I have done EVERYTHING I can." It angers me to see someone who is resting in their OWN ability to change their circumstances. My question is, "WHAT HAS GOD DONE??"

If Jesus is truly my Lord, I fear nothing. I am his servant. I serve him. I am his slave. I feel like tehre are a lot of people who don't take that relationship seriously enough. LORD. MASTER. I follow him. I worship him. I serve him. He doesn't serve me. He doesn't cater to me.

IT'S NOT ABOUT ME.

I have loved how God has broken me and built back up.I love how he has allowed me to suffer when I have. & How he has used every single thing in my life to show me a little more about who he is and how he works in our world, in my life, how he is still alive and working actively today.

I have learned and loved finding JOY in my suffering.
HOW?? Why?? Are you nuts!? Haha!

Because it is NOT about me. It is not about what I want. How I feel. When I want things to happen. It is about GOD and HIS plan, and HIS purpose, HIS will, it's HIS universe, HIS earth, and HIS story.

I am a supporting actress in a movie about Jesus.
So, in what ways can I act and live in a way that showcases the role of Jesus, my Christ, in this movie?? How do I serve my LORD? What more can I do?

If he says forgive, will I forgive?
If he says speak up, will I speak up?
When he says stand firm, will I sway?
When he says respect, will I ask, "But what if..."
When he says rejoice, will I give him a list of reasons why I can't?

Please stop dissing my God by telling me, yourself, others, that your problems are too big for God to handle. Stop dissing the God that raised Jesus from the grave. Stop dissing the God that created the universe. Stop dissing the Jesus that 'for the joy that was set before him endured the cross.' Stop dissing the Jesus that walked on water. Stop dissing my LORD. Stop dissing my GOD. Stop telling yourself that God isn't alive and working right now, today, in your life. LET HIM DO WHAT HE DOES BEST. Because you can't do anything better than he can.